Thoughts and Prayers

After every shooting, I see an offer of "Thoughts and Prayers." I cynically posted a "Thoughts and Prayers" meme after the church shooting in November in Texas. I said "If only those people in Texas had prayed harder." One of my friends commented "REALLY!?!?!"  Social media has become an increasingly polarizing place. The anonymity of posting memes and arguing with friends and strangers online has taken out a human element of reasonable discourse. We say things on Facebook that we would rarely say to another person's face, let alone our friends. I have been trying to be better about doing this, and taking these conversations offline and out in public.

Here are some of the comments and suggestions I have seen along with my own "thoughts and prayers."

People need to do a better job raising their kids!

Some children live in one-parent households (for a multitude of reasons) and their parents are doing their best just to put food on the table. We don’t know their situation; maybe they shouldn’t have been parents or didn’t want to be a parent in the first place. Maybe they couldn’t afford birth control, or their partner left them after they got pregnant. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and unfortunately some people only realize it after it’s too late. 

Let’s not forget the half million kids in foster care and their unique challenges. What do we do about those kids that get left behind? It is true that it "takes a village", and we all need to do our part to help out the kids that we see struggling. 

Some of these parents are doing everything they can to raise their kids right. Some children are born with antisocial personality disorder and don’t know the difference between right and wrong. There aren’t enough resources for the parents of these kids, and they also might have a hard time believing that there is something wrong with their child. Deinstitutionalization is another part of the problem, but that is a bag of worms for another day.

Teenagers can be insanely impulsive. As someone who was once a teenager, I can give quite a few personal anecdotes on this topic. According to researchers at the NIH, this is because teenage brains are in the process of maturing – their prefrontal cortexes are still maturing. The rational part of a teen's brain isn't fully developed and won't be until about age 25. As adults, we reason better, develop more control over impulses and make better judgments. This also makes me wonder why we are sending people to war without fully developed brains.

So while everyone is screaming mental illness, let’s be honest with ourselves – teenagers are impulsive and do stupid things. It's because they have developing brains.

If you see something say something! 

People do. Unfortunately, these systems fail as they did in Florida. Reports are now emerging that the latest shooter was reported to authorities multiple times. Also, not every incident is meticulously planned – some are impulsive teenage immature brain problems. There was also the 12 year old girl who brought a gun to school in her backpack. The backpack fell on the ground and discharged the gun, wounding 2 kids. That also puts to bed the "guns are inanimate objects" argument as well. They can misfire and accidents can happen. 

Video games and violent TV/movies/glorification of violence are the problem!
Study results have been inconsistent at best and have produced conflicting results at worst. Canada and Europe have many similar shows/movies/music, yet they don't have these problems. That said, those countries have some major differences: socialized medicine and strict gun laws. 

Mental Illness is the problem!

According to NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Health), approximately 1 in 5 adults in the US (43.8 million) experience mental illness in any given year. Certainly many of the mass shooters were suffering from mental health issues, but to say that anyone who has a mental illness will commit a violent crime is simply false. It creates even more stigma for those who suffer from these invisible illnesses. 

Our schools need more security!

There was an armed guard at Parkland High School. It is now reported that he froze in the situation and never went inside to confront the gunman. If this was a trained deputy, why should we expect better from armed teachers? Teachers are barely paid enough as it is for the work that they do. Most of them went into the profession to teach children, not defend them from armed maniacs. Assuming that the teachers would want to be armed, we would also have several officers carrying guns to protect each school entrance, of course we would also install metal detectors. 
Are we sending our kids to school or sending them to prison?

We already have gun laws / gun laws don’t work in Chicago/Baltimore/other place

While it is true that there are plenty of gun laws on the books, the inconsistency between state laws create a lot of problems. Due to lax gun laws in neighboring states, all it takes is an hour or less drive into a neighboring state to have someone make a straw purchase or even a legal purchase. 

On to facts.

Part of the reason that gun violence is difficult to study is because of the Dickey Amendment of 1996, which ties the hands of the CDC and prevents them from using Federal funds to “advocate or promote gun control.” The NRA pushed for this amendment at the time, after researchers had produced studies that suggested that having a gun in the house increased the risk of homicide and suicide (spoiler alert: it does). 

Since 1968, more than 1.5 million Americans have died in gun-related incidents, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. By comparison, approximately 1.2 million service members have been killed in every war in U.S. history, according to estimates from the Department of Veterans Affairs and iCasualties.org, a website that maintains an ongoing database of casualties from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. For the record, this number includes suicides. 

There were nearly twice as many suicides involving firearms in 2015 as there were murders involving guns, and the rate has been increasing in recent years. Suicide by firearm accounts for almost half of all suicides in the US, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A 2016 study published in the American Journal of Public Health found there was a strong relationship between higher levels of gun ownership in a state and higher firearm suicide rates for both men and women.

More guns also means that more police officers are killed. Researchers looked at federal data for firearm ownership and homicides of police officers across the US over 15 years. They found that states with more gun ownership had more cops killed in homicides: Every 10 percent increase in firearm ownership correlated with 10 additional officers killed in homicides over the 15-year study period (American Journal of Public Health).

Here’s another data point: Although we hear a lot about AR-15s and “assault weapons” during mass shooting incidents, most murders caused by guns involve handguns (FBI). The nature of semi-automatic weapons like the AR-15 makes it easier for mass shooters to take out a large amount of targets in a short time frame, due to accuracy and lack of recoil. This said, the truth is that these types of weapons statistically cause fewer deaths than handguns.

Proposed Solutions

Store your weapons securely. Guns should be secured unloaded in a biometrically locked gun safe, with a trigger lock engaged. If not in a gun safe, all guns should have a trigger lock device installed at all times. There are now biometric trigger locking devices available. If all gun owners followed these procedures, it would reduce unintentional injuries and deaths. 

Repeal the Dickey Amendment to allow the CDC to study gun violence. It is truly a public health crisis. Let's study it and create solutions that are backed up with scientific data.

Congress should pass legislation requiring universal background checks. That would close federal loopholes on background checks at gun shows and other private sales. Additionally, anyone who would like to own a firearm should pass a skills test showing that they know how to properly use their weapons and that they have the knowledge necessary to be a safe gun owner. This would be similar to the training already required for those obtaining concealed carry permits. As a part of this, a firearm registry could be created so that gun sales can be tracked. The registry should be able to be accessed by mental health professionals, school counselors, police officers, and anyone else who would need the information in their professions to “red flag” someone as going to hurt themselves or others.

Congress could also limit the number of guns that can be purchased by one person in a period of time. They could also raise the age limit of all gun purchases. It would be nice to say 25, as per the earlier immature teenage brain, but at least increase the age to 21. Lawmakers could toughen penalties for straw purchases. Mass shooters often carried more than one weapon; one was found with 24. At least 167 weapons of mass shooters were obtained legally and 49 were obtained illegally. It’s unclear how 76 weapons were acquired.

Institute a gun buyback program. The cost is not too much. With each mass shooting, schools are renovated or torn down and rebuilt, costing tens or hundreds of millions of dollars. How much is a life saved worth? How much do you value your life? Your child’s life? Another loved one? Your neighbor? What about the people in your community?

Although I personally don’t believe that anyone needs semi-automatic weapons, I do recognize that some people really enjoy guns. I believe that certain weapons should require an increased level of scrutiny or “extreme vetting” if you will. The folks that want weapons like the AR-15 should face closer scrutiny than someone who is hunting deer with their bolt action rifle. Perhaps congress needs to specify classes of firearms with screening procedures for each.

I recognize that America is a unique country. I would love to say that America can simply enact the same kind of wildly successful gun regulations that Australia has: 28 day waiting periods, thorough background checks, and a requirement to present a “justifiable reason” to own a gun. Their gun buyback program meant about a million guns went back to the government and were destroyed. 

The problem is that in America we have a gun for every person. However, it is estimated that less than one third of Americans own a gun. So one third of Americans own an estimated 320 million guns. What do you do with that? It’s hard to shut the barn door after the horse has already left the stable. 

Even though the horse has already left the stable, we have to do something and we have to start somewhere. The number of guns in this country has roughly doubled in the past 50 years. Perhaps 50 years from now the changes that we make today will have made a meaningful impact. I hope that my grandchildren never have to fear being gunned down in the classroom or on the street.

I live in a rural area with a big gun culture. I know families here who rely on hunting to provide food. Guns are a way of life here. We need hunters to control our wildlife population. Trust me, you’d wish that Bambi had been killed before she ran in front of your car. 

What it really comes down to is do we value our guns more than we value the lives of children?

I am in awe of the kids from Parkland who have started this movement and discussion. It's sad to say that fear seems to be the only effective motivator for change, but it appears that it is. The NRA pushes fear based motivation all the time: "bad guys" are coming after you. The Democrats are coming for your guns. 

It is both terrible and inspiring that it has taken children to stand up and say that they are tired of being slaughtered in their classrooms for anyone to do more than send "thoughts and prayers." 

My thoughts and prayers: March for Our Lives will be the falling of small stones that will start an avalanche.

On this World

I wanted to rant on social media about this, but the blog is a much better outlet. I don't know whose mind I would change at any rate. But seeing people post awful things is breaking my heart. Closing borders? Really? So apparently they'd like us to be like North Korea? No disrespect there, DPRK and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un, please don't show up on my doorstep.

I keep thinking of Sam and Frodo's exchange in Mordor from LOTR:

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

On to what I wanted to post on Facebook:

I have seen so much hatred, racism, and xenophobia on social media these last few days (years if I'm being honest). I'm not saying that I'm perfect or PC all the time: after all, I live with white privilege and was born in the USA. I don't have the same perspective as others.

I'm glad that we live in a country where we can question our government and each other without the fear of being imprisoned or stoned to death. So many of our fellow Citizens of Earth look with envy to our elections where leaders are changed regularly, without bloodshed. I'm glad that we all get a vote in that process, even if I don't agree with you. And if you don't vote, shame on you! 

Our fellow Citizens of Earth want what we all want - a chance at life and happiness.

Yes, there are those that wish us harm, but there are plenty of those people who were born here in the good old USA. It's true, like some psychopaths here, some of those "outsiders" have evil hearts (well, mental illness at least.) Others' hearts and minds have been twisted by promises that they or their families will be taken care of if they attack innocent people. If you can't afford to feed your family, what wouldn't you do for them?

Today, I choose hope over fear. I choose to live my life instead of fearing that which I don't know or understand. Why should I let terrorists steal my joy? Their entire purpose is to instill fear in our hearts. 

We can't let them.

Despite many people's beliefs that we are going in the wrong direction, I think future generations are going to do great things. I see evidence of it every day. The high school that I attended just crowned two Special Olympic Athletes to be their Homecoming King and Queen. These kids are inspiring. They are making this world better.

Make a decision to live and not exist. Help others where and how you can and remember that we are all part of the Human Race. 

Today I was feeling powerless to do anything other than speak up when I saw a social media post that I didn't agree with. I got home from work to find an aptly timed letter from VGIF looking for donations. I can't solve the world's problems, but I can write a small check that will actually have an impact on another person's life. Having been involved with their organization, I can attest that their funding truly does make a difference in recipients' lives. If you're feeling powerless, and can afford to donate time or money, I encourage you to donate to VGIF or a similar cause.

There, I feel better already.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. - Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Deep thoughts

“You’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” said my massage therapist.

“You must be psychic. You should combine psychic services with massage therapy,” I said.

No psychic ability needed; people who suffer from migraines or do a lot of thinking tend to have a ton of tension in the muscle that goes into the base of their skull. She told me the name of the aforementioned muscle, but I was too busy enjoying my massage to recall the name. Although I suffer from migraines, I haven't had one since my last massage, so I agreed with her clinical impressions. I also had a terrible run later that evening. The next day I learned that you’re not supposed to take part in strenuous exercise after having a massage. Good to know! But I digress…

There’s been a lot to think about recently. I’ll start with the potentially less life-impacting thing first: purchasing another car. We’re going to keep Jay’s truck Charlene as well as sweet Roxie, who has nearly 300k miles on her. Roxie is a great commuter car and good for at least half a million miles. We also wouldn’t get much money for trading her in. There are so many decisions to be made. New or used? What should we buy? SUV or wagon? There are a lot of models in the running. Jay wants a new car and thinks that is where all the deals are. Although I would love a new car, I’m leaning towards used so that we can get more bells and whistles (heated leather seats are awesome).

Now on to the real thinking – about life. I’m not passionate about my job. I’m not making a difference. Although I’m sure that if you asked some of the physicians, I’m making a difference in their lives by giving them a terrible schedule. I also listen to them whine and gripe about each other (the inference I get is that I'm also supposed to do something about the offender). Sometimes the complaints are legitimate, others not so much. Apart from the occasional “Thanks for the great schedule!” emails, there isn’t much enjoyment I get from work apart from my paycheck. Of course, this is not to say that I don’t like my job.  I gain satisfaction from completing a project or compiling and presenting data in new and exciting ways. I’m happy when people tell me that I’m doing a good job. These are basic things, but it keeps me sane. I’ve made a few friends. The money is decent and I like my bosses. This will do for at least the next few years.

However, it’s time for me to start thinking about #26 on my 101 list. That is “Figure out what I want to be when I grow up or figure out my degree path.” This happens to coincide with #8 on my bucket list: Get my 4 year degree. 

The fastest way to that four year degree is through either a business administration degree or a psychology degree. A psych degree is pretty much useless unless I’m planning to get a PhD (however I may do a double major just because I have so many psych courses already). The business administration field is just not my thing. A marketing approach might be fun so that I could be creative, but I don’t see myself as the business type. With a degree in social work, I could earn my master’s degree while working in the field. Ultimately, I’d like to either have my own private counseling practice or work in the schools. The benefit to working in the schools is that I would finally have that extended vacation time that I’ve been looking for. School counselor jobs are hard to come by around here, so I would have to be patient for an opening to come up.

Fortunately for me, Salisbury University offers a bachelors and masters of social work through the Higher Education Center at Chesapeake College. From the information I’ve been able to track down, there are four or five general ed classes that I’ll need to take before being able to enroll in the social work curriculum. I’ll find out which ones those are when I meet with an advisor, but I’m pretty sure they will be bio and history courses. 

As usual, this epiphany occurred a little too late for me to get my act together and sign up for fall classes. I will have the next few months to prepare my mind for the spring semester and make some tough decisions about how much time I can devote to the organizations that I love. 

Experiences and Choices

I'll apologize for this rambling post. There have been a few different versions as I was trying to work stuff out. I considered never posting it at all, but just in case it helps someone out, I thought I should put it out there. Maybe someone googles, "reverse culture shock" or "yearning for something more." Or maybe even "crumb snatchers." Who knows. But I hope that someone reads it and can relate to it.

Yes, this place is real. I've been there. I took the picture.

Since I returned from my trip, I’ve been suffering from reverse culture shock. Yes, I know it's a bit ridiculous since I was gone for only three weeks. Plenty of other people go on holiday, ahem, vacation for a month or longer, although not typically in the good ole USA. People hardly even use all of their meager vacation time here. On the other side of the ocean (in either direction), lots of young adults take gap years to travel the world. Oh how I envy them.

Your experiences change you. Sometimes the changes are temporary; others are permanent changes.

When I was 25 and my father died, it changed me permanently. It aged me in many ways. I realized that nothing is ever certain. It made me desperate to cling to anything that was the norm while he was alive (i.e. ex-boyfriend who I should’ve ditched way sooner). It made me a little on the impulsive side… since nothing was ever certain, why not live for today and for this very moment. I did a lot of stupid shit. 

But… I learned. Time and experience are the best teachers. Time and experience can change you. Yes, you’re still you… but a better version of you (hopefully).

Visiting Australia and New Zealand has changed me. In some ways I know that the changes will be temporary; jet lag, being back at work, driving (okay, riding – Jay did all the driving) on the other side of the road… the usual stuff. Mostly it's given me a yearning for something more. A new childlike wonder of the world - it's such an amazing place. People on the other side of the planet speak our language, yet are different in so many ways from us. For the first time, I think I would be more than capable of joining Josh Gates and his crew from Destination Truth. Searching for ghosts in Antarctica? That sounds fun! Diving to search for mermaids in Israel? Count me in! 

Survived the double waterfalls of doom. One of the craziest things I've ever done and I loved every second.

My life seems to have come to a crossroads. Or maybe I just think it’s at a crossroads. Maybe this wouldn’t be so panic-inducing if this hadn’t come at a time when we are finished the house, financially stable and planning for little crumb snatchers. Maybe because of aforementioned crumb snatchers, I want a better life for them. A better life for them and me - which means getting as far away as possible from immediate family members who drive me mad. Or maybe I'm just enjoying my life so much that I'm worried that kids will put a damper on my vacation plans. Sorry kids, we're not going to Disneyland - we're going to Uruguay.

There is an Aborigine with a didgeridoo in this picture. I wish I'd been able to frame him playing it.

Australia is an amazing country. I love the people, the lifestyle, the egalitarian society, the free healthcare. Australia is a liberal’s utopian world (apart from the blatant racism that I witnessed, which was bizarre and went against everything they seem to stand for). They eat healthier and seem to take better care of themselves than Americans. People there are engaged with each other; you see them being more aware of their surroundings and not occupied with their phones. And most of them seem genuinely happy. 

Bill Bryson is one of my favorite authors (I swear I'm going somewhere with this). Perhaps it’s because he writes travel books and I adore his sense of humor. His book In a Sunburned Country is my current favorite. After visiting the country, there is just no way that I could better summarize Australia.

Here are two of my favorite excerpts:

“The fact is, of course, we pay shamefully scant attention to our dear cousins Down Under- not entirely without reason, of course. Australia is after all mostly empty and a long way away. Its population, just over 18 million, is small by world standards - China grows by a larger amount each year- and its place in the world economy is  consequently peripheral; as an economic entity, it ranks about level with Illinois. Its sports are of little interest to us and the last television series it made that we watched with avidity was Skippy. From time to time it sends us useful things-opals, merino wool, Errol Flynn, the boomerang - but nothing we can't actually do without. Above all, Australia doesn't misbehave. It is stable and peaceful and good. It doesn't have coups, recklessly overfish, arm disagreeable despots, grow coca in provocative quantities, or throw its weight around in a brash and unseemly manner.”  (since publication Australia's population is now at 23 million)

“The people are immensely likable— cheerful, extrovert, quick-witted, and unfailingly obliging. Their cities are safe and clean and nearly always built on water. They have a society that is prosperous, well ordered, and instinctively egalitarian. The food is excellent. The beer is cold. The sun nearly always shines. There is coffee on every corner. Rupert Murdoch no longer lives there. Life doesn't get much better than this.” 

When I arrived in Brisbane and hopped in my aunt’s car, I felt like I was going home. It felt strangely familiar. Three days spent in Coolangatta reminded me of going to Rehoboth Beach as a kid. It just felt right.

So I’m mourning the loss of my vacation and missing my auntie. I’m also wishing that I didn’t have this daily drudgery of going to work. I wish that I could do something else. In Australia, of course. What that is, I’m not quite sure. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job here. It pays well for the area (it should for some of the crap I put up with) and I have a nice flexible schedule. I even like most of the people that I work with. I also have FANTASTIC health insurance. Vacation time, not so much. But yes, it's a job and I am thrilled to be there.

Then there is the question:  Would my personality type even allow me to have a job that I adored 90% of the time before getting bored? I've probably changed my mind 10 times in my adult life about what I want to be when I "grow up." Just in the past year I've given serious thought to becoming a nurse or a social worker. Even my associate's degree is in general studies. With an emphasis in psych and business, of course. One of these days I need to just pick something and get a 4 year degree. One day. Here or somewhere else.

Maybe I could be a professional expressionist? Is that a  job? I'm great at making faces!

Okay, enough with the rambling. The next paragraph is what I've been trying to get at this whole time.

Since I’ve been home I’ve investigated how I can get to Australia permanently. If I ultimately decide that OZ is where I belong, getting there will be a huge challenge, as getting a visa to live there permanently isn’t easy. There are an awful lot of big decisions to make, but they start with small steps. However, the steps start with big decisions like what I should actually get a degree in. Or if I should take up something like becoming a wool classer or no, wait... a poultry farmer! Seriously. The wool classer is on the state sponsorship page for Western Australia as an occupation in demand. The poultry farmer is on a second list called schedule 2, where they have other occupations that they issue limited numbers of visas for. Hey, I'm kind of a poultry farmer. This hobby of mine might get me to OZ after all.

Fun with Grandma Grande's Furs

All of that said - to feel like I’m taking action I’m getting my open water diver certification. In some weird way, it's a connection to Australia for me. Becoming a scuba instructor (which itself would certainly take a lot of time and cost a lot of $$) is probably not the route that I would go to get to OZ, but getting my open water would be the first step. So on July 10th, I'll be strapping on 60 pounds of gear and jumping into the pool. I'm sure that I'll be thinking more clearly then.

More photos of the trip and less rambling about my life to come soon, I promise. Maybe even this weekend. We have a 202 list (101 wasn't enough) from our journey, which I'm hoping to share. Although there are a few things on that list not for public consumption! :)