Thoughts and Prayers

After every shooting, I see an offer of "Thoughts and Prayers." I cynically posted a "Thoughts and Prayers" meme after the church shooting in November in Texas. I said "If only those people in Texas had prayed harder." One of my friends commented "REALLY!?!?!"  Social media has become an increasingly polarizing place. The anonymity of posting memes and arguing with friends and strangers online has taken out a human element of reasonable discourse. We say things on Facebook that we would rarely say to another person's face, let alone our friends. I have been trying to be better about doing this, and taking these conversations offline and out in public.

Here are some of the comments and suggestions I have seen along with my own "thoughts and prayers."

People need to do a better job raising their kids!

Some children live in one-parent households (for a multitude of reasons) and their parents are doing their best just to put food on the table. We don’t know their situation; maybe they shouldn’t have been parents or didn’t want to be a parent in the first place. Maybe they couldn’t afford birth control, or their partner left them after they got pregnant. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and unfortunately some people only realize it after it’s too late. 

Let’s not forget the half million kids in foster care and their unique challenges. What do we do about those kids that get left behind? It is true that it "takes a village", and we all need to do our part to help out the kids that we see struggling. 

Some of these parents are doing everything they can to raise their kids right. Some children are born with antisocial personality disorder and don’t know the difference between right and wrong. There aren’t enough resources for the parents of these kids, and they also might have a hard time believing that there is something wrong with their child. Deinstitutionalization is another part of the problem, but that is a bag of worms for another day.

Teenagers can be insanely impulsive. As someone who was once a teenager, I can give quite a few personal anecdotes on this topic. According to researchers at the NIH, this is because teenage brains are in the process of maturing – their prefrontal cortexes are still maturing. The rational part of a teen's brain isn't fully developed and won't be until about age 25. As adults, we reason better, develop more control over impulses and make better judgments. This also makes me wonder why we are sending people to war without fully developed brains.

So while everyone is screaming mental illness, let’s be honest with ourselves – teenagers are impulsive and do stupid things. It's because they have developing brains.

If you see something say something! 

People do. Unfortunately, these systems fail as they did in Florida. Reports are now emerging that the latest shooter was reported to authorities multiple times. Also, not every incident is meticulously planned – some are impulsive teenage immature brain problems. There was also the 12 year old girl who brought a gun to school in her backpack. The backpack fell on the ground and discharged the gun, wounding 2 kids. That also puts to bed the "guns are inanimate objects" argument as well. They can misfire and accidents can happen. 

Video games and violent TV/movies/glorification of violence are the problem!
Study results have been inconsistent at best and have produced conflicting results at worst. Canada and Europe have many similar shows/movies/music, yet they don't have these problems. That said, those countries have some major differences: socialized medicine and strict gun laws. 

Mental Illness is the problem!

According to NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Health), approximately 1 in 5 adults in the US (43.8 million) experience mental illness in any given year. Certainly many of the mass shooters were suffering from mental health issues, but to say that anyone who has a mental illness will commit a violent crime is simply false. It creates even more stigma for those who suffer from these invisible illnesses. 

Our schools need more security!

There was an armed guard at Parkland High School. It is now reported that he froze in the situation and never went inside to confront the gunman. If this was a trained deputy, why should we expect better from armed teachers? Teachers are barely paid enough as it is for the work that they do. Most of them went into the profession to teach children, not defend them from armed maniacs. Assuming that the teachers would want to be armed, we would also have several officers carrying guns to protect each school entrance, of course we would also install metal detectors. 
Are we sending our kids to school or sending them to prison?

We already have gun laws / gun laws don’t work in Chicago/Baltimore/other place

While it is true that there are plenty of gun laws on the books, the inconsistency between state laws create a lot of problems. Due to lax gun laws in neighboring states, all it takes is an hour or less drive into a neighboring state to have someone make a straw purchase or even a legal purchase. 

On to facts.

Part of the reason that gun violence is difficult to study is because of the Dickey Amendment of 1996, which ties the hands of the CDC and prevents them from using Federal funds to “advocate or promote gun control.” The NRA pushed for this amendment at the time, after researchers had produced studies that suggested that having a gun in the house increased the risk of homicide and suicide (spoiler alert: it does). 

Since 1968, more than 1.5 million Americans have died in gun-related incidents, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. By comparison, approximately 1.2 million service members have been killed in every war in U.S. history, according to estimates from the Department of Veterans Affairs and iCasualties.org, a website that maintains an ongoing database of casualties from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. For the record, this number includes suicides. 

There were nearly twice as many suicides involving firearms in 2015 as there were murders involving guns, and the rate has been increasing in recent years. Suicide by firearm accounts for almost half of all suicides in the US, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A 2016 study published in the American Journal of Public Health found there was a strong relationship between higher levels of gun ownership in a state and higher firearm suicide rates for both men and women.

More guns also means that more police officers are killed. Researchers looked at federal data for firearm ownership and homicides of police officers across the US over 15 years. They found that states with more gun ownership had more cops killed in homicides: Every 10 percent increase in firearm ownership correlated with 10 additional officers killed in homicides over the 15-year study period (American Journal of Public Health).

Here’s another data point: Although we hear a lot about AR-15s and “assault weapons” during mass shooting incidents, most murders caused by guns involve handguns (FBI). The nature of semi-automatic weapons like the AR-15 makes it easier for mass shooters to take out a large amount of targets in a short time frame, due to accuracy and lack of recoil. This said, the truth is that these types of weapons statistically cause fewer deaths than handguns.

Proposed Solutions

Store your weapons securely. Guns should be secured unloaded in a biometrically locked gun safe, with a trigger lock engaged. If not in a gun safe, all guns should have a trigger lock device installed at all times. There are now biometric trigger locking devices available. If all gun owners followed these procedures, it would reduce unintentional injuries and deaths. 

Repeal the Dickey Amendment to allow the CDC to study gun violence. It is truly a public health crisis. Let's study it and create solutions that are backed up with scientific data.

Congress should pass legislation requiring universal background checks. That would close federal loopholes on background checks at gun shows and other private sales. Additionally, anyone who would like to own a firearm should pass a skills test showing that they know how to properly use their weapons and that they have the knowledge necessary to be a safe gun owner. This would be similar to the training already required for those obtaining concealed carry permits. As a part of this, a firearm registry could be created so that gun sales can be tracked. The registry should be able to be accessed by mental health professionals, school counselors, police officers, and anyone else who would need the information in their professions to “red flag” someone as going to hurt themselves or others.

Congress could also limit the number of guns that can be purchased by one person in a period of time. They could also raise the age limit of all gun purchases. It would be nice to say 25, as per the earlier immature teenage brain, but at least increase the age to 21. Lawmakers could toughen penalties for straw purchases. Mass shooters often carried more than one weapon; one was found with 24. At least 167 weapons of mass shooters were obtained legally and 49 were obtained illegally. It’s unclear how 76 weapons were acquired.

Institute a gun buyback program. The cost is not too much. With each mass shooting, schools are renovated or torn down and rebuilt, costing tens or hundreds of millions of dollars. How much is a life saved worth? How much do you value your life? Your child’s life? Another loved one? Your neighbor? What about the people in your community?

Although I personally don’t believe that anyone needs semi-automatic weapons, I do recognize that some people really enjoy guns. I believe that certain weapons should require an increased level of scrutiny or “extreme vetting” if you will. The folks that want weapons like the AR-15 should face closer scrutiny than someone who is hunting deer with their bolt action rifle. Perhaps congress needs to specify classes of firearms with screening procedures for each.

I recognize that America is a unique country. I would love to say that America can simply enact the same kind of wildly successful gun regulations that Australia has: 28 day waiting periods, thorough background checks, and a requirement to present a “justifiable reason” to own a gun. Their gun buyback program meant about a million guns went back to the government and were destroyed. 

The problem is that in America we have a gun for every person. However, it is estimated that less than one third of Americans own a gun. So one third of Americans own an estimated 320 million guns. What do you do with that? It’s hard to shut the barn door after the horse has already left the stable. 

Even though the horse has already left the stable, we have to do something and we have to start somewhere. The number of guns in this country has roughly doubled in the past 50 years. Perhaps 50 years from now the changes that we make today will have made a meaningful impact. I hope that my grandchildren never have to fear being gunned down in the classroom or on the street.

I live in a rural area with a big gun culture. I know families here who rely on hunting to provide food. Guns are a way of life here. We need hunters to control our wildlife population. Trust me, you’d wish that Bambi had been killed before she ran in front of your car. 

What it really comes down to is do we value our guns more than we value the lives of children?

I am in awe of the kids from Parkland who have started this movement and discussion. It's sad to say that fear seems to be the only effective motivator for change, but it appears that it is. The NRA pushes fear based motivation all the time: "bad guys" are coming after you. The Democrats are coming for your guns. 

It is both terrible and inspiring that it has taken children to stand up and say that they are tired of being slaughtered in their classrooms for anyone to do more than send "thoughts and prayers." 

My thoughts and prayers: March for Our Lives will be the falling of small stones that will start an avalanche.

On this World

I wanted to rant on social media about this, but the blog is a much better outlet. I don't know whose mind I would change at any rate. But seeing people post awful things is breaking my heart. Closing borders? Really? So apparently they'd like us to be like North Korea? No disrespect there, DPRK and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un, please don't show up on my doorstep.

I keep thinking of Sam and Frodo's exchange in Mordor from LOTR:

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

On to what I wanted to post on Facebook:

I have seen so much hatred, racism, and xenophobia on social media these last few days (years if I'm being honest). I'm not saying that I'm perfect or PC all the time: after all, I live with white privilege and was born in the USA. I don't have the same perspective as others.

I'm glad that we live in a country where we can question our government and each other without the fear of being imprisoned or stoned to death. So many of our fellow Citizens of Earth look with envy to our elections where leaders are changed regularly, without bloodshed. I'm glad that we all get a vote in that process, even if I don't agree with you. And if you don't vote, shame on you! 

Our fellow Citizens of Earth want what we all want - a chance at life and happiness.

Yes, there are those that wish us harm, but there are plenty of those people who were born here in the good old USA. It's true, like some psychopaths here, some of those "outsiders" have evil hearts (well, mental illness at least.) Others' hearts and minds have been twisted by promises that they or their families will be taken care of if they attack innocent people. If you can't afford to feed your family, what wouldn't you do for them?

Today, I choose hope over fear. I choose to live my life instead of fearing that which I don't know or understand. Why should I let terrorists steal my joy? Their entire purpose is to instill fear in our hearts. 

We can't let them.

Despite many people's beliefs that we are going in the wrong direction, I think future generations are going to do great things. I see evidence of it every day. The high school that I attended just crowned two Special Olympic Athletes to be their Homecoming King and Queen. These kids are inspiring. They are making this world better.

Make a decision to live and not exist. Help others where and how you can and remember that we are all part of the Human Race. 

Today I was feeling powerless to do anything other than speak up when I saw a social media post that I didn't agree with. I got home from work to find an aptly timed letter from VGIF looking for donations. I can't solve the world's problems, but I can write a small check that will actually have an impact on another person's life. Having been involved with their organization, I can attest that their funding truly does make a difference in recipients' lives. If you're feeling powerless, and can afford to donate time or money, I encourage you to donate to VGIF or a similar cause.

There, I feel better already.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. - Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Wordless Wednesdays (update soon tomorrow, I promise)

Better Angels

The problem with planning group vacations

At the beginning of the year, I was at Harry’s with my girlfriends sipping cocktails and having a great time. Since Australia was looming on the horizon, we were talking about vacations and wouldn’t it be fun if we could all go somewhere together!?

I have that timeshare in the Dominican Republic.

We all squealed with excitement. Let’s do it! December!

In the following weeks, lists were made. There had to be the perfect mix of people… we wanted no-drama, fun people. Folks were blacklisted. If you fought publicly with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse, you were out. Like a wedding, there were more friends we wanted to invite than we could accommodate. Even worse, we had to divide the list between us – Jay and I could only invite at most 5 people each. So we narrowed the list to those most likely to say yes. For me, that ended up being only the girlfriends (and their intended guests) present at Harry’s.

I made arrangements with a Shareholder Lifestyle Vacation Club friend to use one of her weeks to get a better deal (saving $180 a person on the all-inclusive fee). The $1200 all-inclusive price (including airfare) made this trip a no-brainer. Cheaper than a week in Ocean City. Seriously, who could say no?

After careful planning, an email was sent to the chosen few.

There was a lot of initial enthusiasm with the first responses.

Can’t wait!

The wheels fell off the cart a few weeks ago. People who had given us verbal confirmations were now turning down the invitation. Initially, we weren’t concerned… there were others that we’d love to have. But those were also the folks we thought wouldn’t be able to make it for one reason or another.

I think - Maybe we’ll cancel it altogether, save our vacation time and go somewhere we really want to go next year, like Europe. Or maybe get back to Australia to see Nancy and Darryl. Get to see Uluru and maybe even Perth.

Then our friends found a good airfare. They asked me if it was still happening. We had six people (us, the other couple and two of my girlfriends) at that point, so I said go ahead and book it.

Four days later, I got an email from my girlfriends. They were really sorry, but they had an awesome opportunity come up for another vacation in September. Basically the kind of thing that was much more exciting than the Dominican Republic. 

Having done much of the planning with them, I was majorly bummed. However, my husband was seriously pissed off. This was their idea to begin with! 

Then there was a message from an invited couple who weren't able to make it because of a new job. They had a suggestion:  Ryan and Kristy LOVE to travel! We mentioned it to them and they would be interested.

Umm, okay but we didn’t invite them. They’re a lot of fun, but I’ve only hung out with them a handful of times. And of course we’re friends on Facebook. Could they be a secret disaster on vacation? Hopefully not. I sent Kristy a message on Facebook about the trip.

Count us in, this place looks amazing.

And then…

Please let me know when you guys get the airfare, I am not an experienced traveler. This would be my first trip out of the US. Thanks.

I know that I’m a travel snob. Especially compared to most Americans. I acknowledge this. But how can someone say that they love to travel when they’ve never been out of the good old USA?

Anyone want to go to Puerto Plata December 7^th-14^th? (I'm serious, we need at least two more people or it will be an extra $67 a person)

We'll save you a drink!

Or will we? 

July 4th Fun

Jay's friend Brian came down from New York on Wednesday night.

Yesterday we celebrated with our friends Laura and Jared (and their adorable munchkin Lincoln) on Assateague Island. We met up with some of Jared's family for the fireworks and generally had an awesome time.

I think I want a boat.

Great people, cute babies, tasty food, cold beer, a cozy fire on the beach, fireworks.

Life doesn't get much better than this. 

101 in 1001 or 202 in 21

Here is our 202 list... the list isn't perfect. I think there are a few things and ideas repeated, but I've managed to assemble things in a somewhat chronological order.

I'll post my itinerary soon with photos from each day.

As you can see with number one, we began our journey in New Jersey on May 10th.

1. Make a left in Jersey
2. Fall in love with Air New Zealand's Premium Economy
3. Cuddle a koala
4. Feed a kangaroo
5. Get molested by lorikeets
6. Be involved in an AFA (automatic fire alarm - this happened in Coolangatta)
7. Watch surfers
8. Walkabout
9. Use a public restroom (OZ has tons of really nice ones!!)
10. Try a flat white coffee
11. Eat beef cheeks
12. Try out SCUBA diving
13. Pet a sea turtle
14. Not get bitten by a carpet shark (Jay thought our dive instructor wanted him to pet it)
15. Find Nemo (found him MANY times!)
16. Watch the sun rise in Coolangatta
17. Pet a fish 
18. Play Apples to Apples
19. Jaywalk comfortably (it's harder than it looks when you're used to right-hand side driving)
20. Stand between two states (NSW and QLD)
21. Find a spot for dad in Coolangatta (he's in the dunes and under a pine tree - I thought he'd enjoy all the lorikeets)
22. Sing with Aunt Nancy (we had a little concert on my last night there)
23. Swallow a live fly (Jay drank a fly in his wineglass)
24. Find Whites Beach (black sand - we found a similar beach in Bayview, NZ)
25. Try Australian pizza 
26. Make a u-turn on the runway (Proserpine Airport is TINY!)
27. Concerns a boat... activity is censored! :)
28. Pee off of a boat
29. Not shower for two days (pact made by fellow Whitsunday Getaway couples)
30. Step in cow poo
31. Walk down railroad tracks
32. Find and try Korean BBQ (AWESOME - in Townsville)
33. Book the last hotel room (at the holiday inn in Townsville)
34. Smash toe in hotel room (seriously who puts a 1" metal lip between the bedroom and bathroom?)
35. Get freaked out in Dimbulah
36. Go over a scary f'n bridge (Destination Truth style!!)
37. Go through the Bismarck Range
38. Share the road.... with cows
39. Drive in the dark
40. Walk in a rainforest
41. Spot for dad in Daintree Rainforest (Daintree Discovery Center - seemed like his kinda place)
42. Eat rainforest ice cream
43. Ride a ferry (across croc-infested waters)
44. Go on a croc river cruise
45. Eat kangaroo (at the Daintree Tea House)
46. Drive windy roads in Daintree (and not die)
47. Figure out how to use air conditioning in hotel room (took us two hours - had to put our hotel key in a slot)
48. Chat with locals (yep, lots of that)
49. See how racist locals are (OMG the racism in OZ was bizarre)
50. Get elfed by a 9 year old (in Almaden of all places)
51. Feel like we were on Destination Truth (so many times)
52. Not see any wildlife in Daintree Discovery Center. $60
53. Have a wine and cheese night
54. Something censored to do with the Outback
55. Take pictures of Australian chickens
56. Steal an Outback newspaper (front page was about the Wheelbarrow Race)
57. Drive over a waterfall (did this several times)
58. See wild crocodiles
59. See a baby crocodile
60. Attempt to sneak into zoo at night (then later find out it was open and we could've gone in)
61. Feed a cassowary
62. Feed an animal prosciutto
63. Feed a wallaby
64. Get eaten by mosquitoes
65. Stay at a hotel in a zoo
66. Finish Kvothe (the Kingkiller Chronicles) - this was super sadface, we enjoyed this audiobook. Hope the author comes out with a new book soon!
67. Draw on each other (I think this happened on the wine and cheese night)
68. Eat strong and bitey cheese (I love what they call stuff over there)
69. Have Cuban rum
70. Enjoy the best mojito ever at Fish d'vine 
71. Boop a kangaroo
72. Pat a kookaburra
73. Pat a dingo 
74. Feed a croc prosciutto
75. Watch croc attack a piece of cured meat
76. Poke a squirrel glider
77. Feed a wallaby (hmm. it appears we did that in 63. oh well)
78. Feed a cockatoo or twenty
79. Taunt a cassowary
80. Something to do with a rainforest
81. Have a wallaby growl at you
82. Have a dingo snap at you
83. Get bitten by an emu
84. Touch a wombat
85. Feed a cassowary (oops, 61)
86. Feed a kookaburra
87. Start a croc feeding frenzy (oops! apparently they really enjoy salami - who knew?)
88. Break tooth on salami
89. Baby bird a croc (see breaking tooth on salami)
90. Boop a quolle
91. Visit the Giant Mango in Bowen
92. Dive 3 sites in the Great Barrier Reef - the Agincourt Reef and Low Isles on Poseidon
93. Learn more dive skills and actually be tested and expect to do stuff
94. Take regulator out of mouth on purpose
95. See a white-tipped reef shark
96. Hold a sea cucumber
97. Nearly get puked on
98. Ride the vomit comet
99. Run into Sally & Chris on the dock having happy hour after getting off dive boat
100. Surf the Bay on the front of the Poseidon a la Titanic
101. Stinky Plastic Couple - Ewww.
102. Get offered free drinks at the Sea Temple because our rooms weren't ready - AND WE WERE EARLY for check in!
103. Have a private hot tub session
104. BBQ our own food at Sea Temple on our rooftop deck
105. Wash a pack of cigarettes and try to hide it (Jay was supposed to quit smoking for this trip, but brought an emergency pack... he washed nearly the whole thing and made quite a mess)
106. Get upgraded to nice apartment
107. Buy souvenirs
108. Stay at Horse and Jockey in at Matamata
109. Have a terrible fried dinner at the Horse and Jockey (pork wontons and curly fries)
110. Hear neighbors in next room peeing because of hole in the wall
111. Leave Horse & Jockey via the fire exit
112. Go from six people in our tour group at Hobbiton to fifty
113. Have a rather obnoxious tour guide at Hobbiton
114. Have a half pint at the Green Dragon
115. Get called a "Little Hobbit"
116. See bag End
117. See Gandalf's limb
118. Discover why the toilet squatting sign exists (in Hobbiton)
119. Hobbiton - where the urinal cakes are hobbit-sized and so are the beers
120. Have an awesome dinner at HuHu Cafe
121. Have awesome dessert at HuHu Cafe
122. Have best culinary experience EVER at HuHu (Waitomo)
123. Sleep in a Hobbit Motel
124. Meet Barry aka Billy Black
125. Abseil 35 meters and not get stuck or die
126. Zipline in pitch black under glow worms
127. Jump into freezing cold water (10C)
128. Ride a tube underground (blackwater raft)
129. Cave slide 
130. Survive double waterfall of death
131. Get invited hunting in Mississippi (and met our first Americans)
132. Stub toe on rock after caving trip and lose a toenail
133. Something about hot springs
134. Go skinny dipping in hot spring
135. Eat good Thai food
136. Something about a trailer
137. See Mount Doom from our breakfast table
138. Simply walk into Mordor (we figure that if we could see Mt Doom from our breakfast table, we were already in Mordor)
139. Have a disgusting cider (Elderflower & Apple and Black currant & Apple)
140. Pass a tractor without incident
141. Visit our new kiwi friends in Bayview/Napier (Sally & Chris)
142. Go on black beach and find cool shit
143. Find a spot for dad in Hawkes Bay (at the end of Franklin Road on the beach)
144. Get a private tour of Napier/Hastings by kiwis
145. Do a tasting at Cidery and TeMATA
146. Learn about scrumpy hands, possum and cone - best drinking games ever
147. Have an authentic kiwi dinner (roast & 3-veg)
148. Get completely shitfaced (7 bottles of wine, 2L scrumpy and a 6 pack of beer consumed by 4 people)
149. Eat a roach (that was all Jay - quite the entomologist this trip!)
150. Draw best map of USA ever 
151. Sleep in a vineyard (they grow Sauvignon Blanc, Merlot & Chardonnay varieties)
152. Spill stuff on our gracious hosts' carpet
153. Go wandering about hosts' house in underwear
154. Sleep naked in another bed from where you initially were sleeping (and wake up with no idea where you are)
155. Soak up spillage with socks
156. Wake up and have no idea where your husband is
157. Black out from Scrumpy (or everything else)
158. Drink 3 bottles of 2004 award-winning wine
159. Exclaim, "What the fuck happened last night??"
160. Puke
161. Consider leaving before your hosts wake up
162. Get invited to stay a second night
163. Try Ginger Beer
164. Drive with one of the worst hangovers ever (on the other side of the road through crazy mountain passes and one lane bridges_
165. Have a good lunch in Rotorua (Mac's Steaks)
166. Walk Lake Trail in Rotorua
167. Watch Asians with cameras feed birds an entire loaf of bread (despite signs)
168. Take a dump in a public toilet
169. See an Indian (presumable American Indian??) on horseback walk down a sidewalk in Tauranga
170. Learn Tauranga is not a place we want to stay
171. Pay a toll
172. Arrive in Mount Maunganui after doubting its existence (drove forever through shipyards)
173. Discover it's difficult to book hotels during the Queen's Birthday Weekend (observed June 3rd 2013)
174. Book the last available hotel in town at Macca's using their free wifi (Baywatch Motor Inn)
175. Develop a disturbing arrythmia (this was Jay, he eventually got better... we think it was due to an electrolyte imbalance from the puking/drinking plus lack of sleep)
176. Have the best pork belly ever (Latitude 37 or Vine in Taupo)
177. See (and play) the FJ Cruiser game
178. Tip a grateful waitress at Latitude 37
179. Find a spot for dad in Mt Maunganui
180. Avoid getting run into by runner (there was some kind of crazy run/walk/bike ride thing happening there)
181. Eat mincemeat pie - delicious!
182. Walk across a CRAZY bridge
183. Start a parking trend
184. Almost get run over by a mountain biker
185. Spot a giant mushroom
186. Successfully drop off rental car
187. Take a weird-ass bus ride
188. Spot homeless people (they're pretty much the same worldwide) - then consider giving them a bottle of wine
189. Mistakenly see Auckland by staying on a bus too long
190. Be surprised by an awesome dinner at Lord Nelson's in Auckland
191. Get a second Skycouch AND be undercharged for it
192. Catch the airport bus perfectly
193. Be test subjects for the egate (I was denied!)
194. Find and buy Cuban rum
195. Debate merits of buying a sheepskin rug at the airport. In hindsight, I kinda wish we had. Even though I have no idea what I'd do with it.
196. Kick a guy off Skycouch
197. Something about Cuban rum. What? You want mojitos?
198. Walk on Manhattan Beach Pier (back in CA)
199. Run into couple from our flight to the US from New Zealand (South Islanders) at El Sombrero in Manhattan Beach. They were heading to the Caribbean to spend a few months on a friend's yacht. You know, since their growing season is over (another vineyard owning couple).
200. Not lose wallet in El Segundo
201. Get Roxie to start (it took some coaxing, sweet girl... she has nearly 300k on her and she was sitting for THREE WEEKS!)
202. Survive the trip, including the drive home

Experiences and Choices

I'll apologize for this rambling post. There have been a few different versions as I was trying to work stuff out. I considered never posting it at all, but just in case it helps someone out, I thought I should put it out there. Maybe someone googles, "reverse culture shock" or "yearning for something more." Or maybe even "crumb snatchers." Who knows. But I hope that someone reads it and can relate to it.

Yes, this place is real. I've been there. I took the picture.

Since I returned from my trip, I’ve been suffering from reverse culture shock. Yes, I know it's a bit ridiculous since I was gone for only three weeks. Plenty of other people go on holiday, ahem, vacation for a month or longer, although not typically in the good ole USA. People hardly even use all of their meager vacation time here. On the other side of the ocean (in either direction), lots of young adults take gap years to travel the world. Oh how I envy them.

Your experiences change you. Sometimes the changes are temporary; others are permanent changes.

When I was 25 and my father died, it changed me permanently. It aged me in many ways. I realized that nothing is ever certain. It made me desperate to cling to anything that was the norm while he was alive (i.e. ex-boyfriend who I should’ve ditched way sooner). It made me a little on the impulsive side… since nothing was ever certain, why not live for today and for this very moment. I did a lot of stupid shit. 

But… I learned. Time and experience are the best teachers. Time and experience can change you. Yes, you’re still you… but a better version of you (hopefully).

Visiting Australia and New Zealand has changed me. In some ways I know that the changes will be temporary; jet lag, being back at work, driving (okay, riding – Jay did all the driving) on the other side of the road… the usual stuff. Mostly it's given me a yearning for something more. A new childlike wonder of the world - it's such an amazing place. People on the other side of the planet speak our language, yet are different in so many ways from us. For the first time, I think I would be more than capable of joining Josh Gates and his crew from Destination Truth. Searching for ghosts in Antarctica? That sounds fun! Diving to search for mermaids in Israel? Count me in! 

Survived the double waterfalls of doom. One of the craziest things I've ever done and I loved every second.

My life seems to have come to a crossroads. Or maybe I just think it’s at a crossroads. Maybe this wouldn’t be so panic-inducing if this hadn’t come at a time when we are finished the house, financially stable and planning for little crumb snatchers. Maybe because of aforementioned crumb snatchers, I want a better life for them. A better life for them and me - which means getting as far away as possible from immediate family members who drive me mad. Or maybe I'm just enjoying my life so much that I'm worried that kids will put a damper on my vacation plans. Sorry kids, we're not going to Disneyland - we're going to Uruguay.

There is an Aborigine with a didgeridoo in this picture. I wish I'd been able to frame him playing it.

Australia is an amazing country. I love the people, the lifestyle, the egalitarian society, the free healthcare. Australia is a liberal’s utopian world (apart from the blatant racism that I witnessed, which was bizarre and went against everything they seem to stand for). They eat healthier and seem to take better care of themselves than Americans. People there are engaged with each other; you see them being more aware of their surroundings and not occupied with their phones. And most of them seem genuinely happy. 

Bill Bryson is one of my favorite authors (I swear I'm going somewhere with this). Perhaps it’s because he writes travel books and I adore his sense of humor. His book In a Sunburned Country is my current favorite. After visiting the country, there is just no way that I could better summarize Australia.

Here are two of my favorite excerpts:

“The fact is, of course, we pay shamefully scant attention to our dear cousins Down Under- not entirely without reason, of course. Australia is after all mostly empty and a long way away. Its population, just over 18 million, is small by world standards - China grows by a larger amount each year- and its place in the world economy is  consequently peripheral; as an economic entity, it ranks about level with Illinois. Its sports are of little interest to us and the last television series it made that we watched with avidity was Skippy. From time to time it sends us useful things-opals, merino wool, Errol Flynn, the boomerang - but nothing we can't actually do without. Above all, Australia doesn't misbehave. It is stable and peaceful and good. It doesn't have coups, recklessly overfish, arm disagreeable despots, grow coca in provocative quantities, or throw its weight around in a brash and unseemly manner.”  (since publication Australia's population is now at 23 million)

“The people are immensely likable— cheerful, extrovert, quick-witted, and unfailingly obliging. Their cities are safe and clean and nearly always built on water. They have a society that is prosperous, well ordered, and instinctively egalitarian. The food is excellent. The beer is cold. The sun nearly always shines. There is coffee on every corner. Rupert Murdoch no longer lives there. Life doesn't get much better than this.” 

When I arrived in Brisbane and hopped in my aunt’s car, I felt like I was going home. It felt strangely familiar. Three days spent in Coolangatta reminded me of going to Rehoboth Beach as a kid. It just felt right.

So I’m mourning the loss of my vacation and missing my auntie. I’m also wishing that I didn’t have this daily drudgery of going to work. I wish that I could do something else. In Australia, of course. What that is, I’m not quite sure. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job here. It pays well for the area (it should for some of the crap I put up with) and I have a nice flexible schedule. I even like most of the people that I work with. I also have FANTASTIC health insurance. Vacation time, not so much. But yes, it's a job and I am thrilled to be there.

Then there is the question:  Would my personality type even allow me to have a job that I adored 90% of the time before getting bored? I've probably changed my mind 10 times in my adult life about what I want to be when I "grow up." Just in the past year I've given serious thought to becoming a nurse or a social worker. Even my associate's degree is in general studies. With an emphasis in psych and business, of course. One of these days I need to just pick something and get a 4 year degree. One day. Here or somewhere else.

Maybe I could be a professional expressionist? Is that a  job? I'm great at making faces!

Okay, enough with the rambling. The next paragraph is what I've been trying to get at this whole time.

Since I’ve been home I’ve investigated how I can get to Australia permanently. If I ultimately decide that OZ is where I belong, getting there will be a huge challenge, as getting a visa to live there permanently isn’t easy. There are an awful lot of big decisions to make, but they start with small steps. However, the steps start with big decisions like what I should actually get a degree in. Or if I should take up something like becoming a wool classer or no, wait... a poultry farmer! Seriously. The wool classer is on the state sponsorship page for Western Australia as an occupation in demand. The poultry farmer is on a second list called schedule 2, where they have other occupations that they issue limited numbers of visas for. Hey, I'm kind of a poultry farmer. This hobby of mine might get me to OZ after all.

Fun with Grandma Grande's Furs

All of that said - to feel like I’m taking action I’m getting my open water diver certification. In some weird way, it's a connection to Australia for me. Becoming a scuba instructor (which itself would certainly take a lot of time and cost a lot of $$) is probably not the route that I would go to get to OZ, but getting my open water would be the first step. So on July 10th, I'll be strapping on 60 pounds of gear and jumping into the pool. I'm sure that I'll be thinking more clearly then.

More photos of the trip and less rambling about my life to come soon, I promise. Maybe even this weekend. We have a 202 list (101 wasn't enough) from our journey, which I'm hoping to share. Although there are a few things on that list not for public consumption! :)

Wordful Wednesday

I had planned to do a wordless Wednesday post, but it didn’t quite work out. This past week has been particularly difficult. Then again, it's been difficult for everyone.

I feel ashamed to even mention my in-laws in this post, but they do cause me a lot of anxiety and frustration. They (my FIL and 2 BIL’s) have been staying at our home since last Friday, so that really puts a damper on my mood. These aren’t the kind of normal in-law frustrations that people have. These particular in-laws have serious issues and they should NOT be staying at our house. Fortunately, they leave tonight.

On Friday, I learned that a drama buddy from high school has stage 4 adrenal cancer. Karisa is two years younger than me and has two young kids. I don’t know why these things happen to good people like her. Some people have created the Karisification community on Facebook. Please make sure to like it, even if you don’t know her.

Then last but not least, the Newtown Shooting. What can I even say about it? I still feel sick to my stomach. The gun-loving conservatives are saying to arm the teachers. Really? The thought of arming teachers terrifies me… most teachers I know aren’t exactly the type that I would want around guns (nor would they likely WANT to carry a gun). The United States needs to take a cue from Australia when it comes to mental health care and guncontrol laws. 

So light a candle, meditate, say a prayer, hug your loved ones, do something good for someone else.

Is it me, or do Americans hold no value for vacation?

What is wrong with more than half of my fellow Americans?

According to a study performed by Harris Interactive, “About 57% of working Americans had unused vacation time at the end of 2011, and most of them left an average of 11 days on the table - or nearly 70 percent of their allotted time off.”

Seriously? Are we so narcissistic that we believe we’re too important to take time off? Do we honestly think that our employers would fall apart without us there?

At my previous employer, when someone responsible for something important (let's call her "Jane") was out sick or on vacation, my boss would say, “If Jane dropped dead tomorrow, who would I call?”  Unfortunately, that saying turned out to be a little too close for comfort one day, as the head of one of our banking units was involved in a horrific accident and passed away. She’d been with the company for over 20 years and was my go-to gal for many questions. Everyone relied on her. Her loss was a huge blow to the organization, but it turned out that my boss was right. Despite the devastating loss, business somehow kept on moving forward.

Remember this story - it's all going to tie together, I swear.

My nickname at the bank was "OB" - short for Office B*tch. If all of the admin staff decided to be sick, go on vacation, couldn’t make it through the snow, or needed a mental health day, I was there to pick up the slack. At one time or another, I’d had pretty much every administrative job there (we grew from 5 people to about 35 in my 7 years there), so I did it all. I trained every single administrative person who began working there after me. You know what? When I gave notice at my old job earlier this year, the world kept turning. Somehow things still got done. The bank didn't implode (depending on who you ask). I’d like to believe that they built a shrine to my awesomeness in my old cube… but somehow, I doubt it.

The one thing that I’ve had difficulty adjusting to with my new job has been the time off – or should I say, the lack thereof. I know that banking is an industry whose benefits typically include more holidays and vacation time, so perhaps it’s unfair to compare the medical field to banking. Now I get awesome medical benefits and mediocre time off. At my previous employer, I received 20 vacation days (available on the first of the year) along with 11 paid holidays. Here, I accrue time at the blinding speed of .538 days per pay period (26 pays in a year, which equals 14 days) and have 7 paid holidays. I lost 10 days off by taking this job. 

Granted, I should probably also mention that when I first started at my old job, I only received 15 vacation days, and at the time we were owned by a different bank, so we only had 7 paid holidays (the same I have now). Once I’ve been here for 5 years, my time accrued will go up.

And yes, once I factor in the time that I’m saving with my decreased commute, getting 2 hours of driving time back every day, I’m actually gaining nearly 20 full days (that’s 24 hour days, not 8 hour work days) of my life back each year. I guess looking at it that way, I shouldn’t be complaining.

My whole reason for making this post (okay, I'm whining a little)– is that I’ve been trying to go to Australia for several years now. One thing or another has always held this trip up, and I am determined to make it next year, come hell or high water. I knew when I took this job that I would have fewer vacation days, however, I wasn’t expecting a trip like this to be a problem given plenty of advance notice and the willingness to take unpaid time.

Let’s just say that I’m very glad that I asked about it early. Yesterday I sent an email to my supervisors at the Mothership, copying my boss here. I said that I wanted to take 3 weeks off, possibly with one of them unpaid (if I hadn’t accrued enough vacation time). Their reply was that they had to look into it, and that no administrative staff member had ever asked for three weeks off and that it would have to be discussed with senior management. I was totally taken aback! The only thing I read in the handbook regarding time off was that you were unable to take 5 days of leave in a row until you’d been working for 6 months. By then, I will have been with the group for a little over a year. Yes, a three week vacation is a long time, but administrative staff members have gone out on maternity leave, haven’t they? If I (God forbid) got pregnant now, I would be having a baby at about the same time I’m requesting the time off.

My local boss replied to my email that he was perfectly fine with me taking off (I even offered to let them select which weeks I’d be gone). They said that they’d take his input to the higher ups.

So what exactly is the problem? Do they think I'm lazy because I want to take vacation time instead of leaving it to roll over unused? Do they think that my job is far too important for me to leave it for so long? Do they think that because they would never consider taking a trip like this, that no one else is entitled to do so? Do they think that only physicians should be able to take a three week trip, while lowly administrative types toil away in front of our computer screens and dream about an exotic getaway?

Or maybe the horror is that I would *gasp* take a week off unpaid. I'm thinking that this is in all likelihood half of the problem.


 This story confirms some of my beliefs about American attitudes

Why do Americans work so hard? In the eyes of Rita Gorby, a visiting Irishwoman, it’s all about “the almighty dollar.”
Even some Americans agreed. “We’re a very materialistic society,” says Brad Johnston, a salesman for a tech start-up. “We find happiness in wealth.”

Sure, it’s nice to have money. According to a study cited by this Time Article, Money can buy happiness:

According to a new study from Princeton University's Woodrow Wilson School, it sort of does — up to about $75,000 a year. The lower a person's annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don't report any greater degree of happiness.

Maybe making $75,000 a year buys happiness. It sure makes living much more comfortable! So I suppose that according to this study, money can buy happiness.

However – you can’t take it with you. 

I went through a phase where I bought an insane number of Coach purses and even some expensive jewelry. After a few years, I realized that none of those things made me happy. When I looked at my life, the happiest I'd been was when I was with friends and family who I enjoyed spending time with. My dad wasn't big on traveling and we didn't have much money, but we enjoyed many camping trips together. I enjoyed the adventures of traveling in France with my aunt Nancy and uncle Darryl. I'll never forget the day I got lost in Paris and wandered the streets for hours looking for my hotel.Or the day that Jay and I were engaged, tractor accident and all. Hanging out with Jay and Colleen at Greens Pub in Kinvara with the locals we met at the  Dunguaire Castle Banquet. Nights out in Key West and Orlando with my girlfriends at Tu Tu Tango and the Cricketer's Arm. Friends that Jay and I met in the Dominican Republic, smoking at a hookah lounge. The hike up Thunderbird Mountain to watch the Lunar Eclipse in Arizona. Ghost hunting on Rose Island in Rhode Island, where we had to take a ferry several miles across a foggy harbor into the Narragansett Bay.

These are the things that I'll remember for a lifetime.

I recently read Josh Gates's book, Destination Truth: Memoirs of a Monster Hunter, and it really made me want to get out and travel more. It's not just the destination - it's the journey. Sometimes the journey takes you on a train meandering through the French countryside and sometimes you end up colliding with a tractor. What you walk away with is an experience uniquely yours. I was horrified when I read that only 10% of Americans have passports. While Googling for this blog post, I found that the number is now at an all-time high - one third of all Americans now have passports. This number is still astonishingly low to me when compared to most other countries in the world. Sure, the U.S. is big... but, it's the U.S. Do me a favor, fellow Americans - go SEE other countries. You may think that we're the center of the universe here, but trust me, we're not. Get your passport and go see the world. Provided, of course, that your employer actually allows you to take your vacation.

According to an article referenced earlier in my post:

The accounting firm Ernst & Young has found that people are actually more productive if they get more time off. That made sense to a lot of the people we talked to. “When you work all day you have family issues, household issues,” says Audrey Harrington, an administrative assistant. “You’re running around all day. We’re busier than we ever have been before. If people have more time to pay their bills, do their food shopping, take their kids to sporting events, they will be more productive.”

Americans put in more hours than any other workers in the industrialized world, even more than the hard-working Japanese, who get around 25 days of paid vacation. 

According to most sources that I've read, Germans get six weeks of paid time off.

Think that all of that time off makes the Germans lazy?

Germany is the eighth most productive country in the OECD (as defined by gross domestic product divided by the number of workers), while Greece is the 24th. But taking time off also doesn't make that much of difference in the overall picture. Employees usually end up paying for their time off because employers factor the cost of that lost productivity into a pay package. (That's one reason why Europeans earn less than Americans on average per year, even if the pay per hour is the same.) Then there's the growing body of research showing that time off can actually help workers get more done. A 2009 study in Harvard Business Review, for example, showed that requiring business consultants to take time off every week actually boosted their productivity.

I wish that the U.S. would get with the times and put some paid time off rules in place. I think that we would all be happier and healthier for it. I know that I would.

So the moral of the story is... all you have in life are your experiences. No one can take those away from you. Do what makes you happy, whether it's taking vacations or spending time with friends. You can't replace time with your family or friends with money or objects. 

I'm hoping that the higher-ups at work are travel lovers who will understand. If not, I suppose that I'll have to take whatever time they allow me for my trip, but I sure as hell won't be happy about it.