On this World

I wanted to rant on social media about this, but the blog is a much better outlet. I don't know whose mind I would change at any rate. But seeing people post awful things is breaking my heart. Closing borders? Really? So apparently they'd like us to be like North Korea? No disrespect there, DPRK and Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un, please don't show up on my doorstep.

I keep thinking of Sam and Frodo's exchange in Mordor from LOTR:

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

On to what I wanted to post on Facebook:

I have seen so much hatred, racism, and xenophobia on social media these last few days (years if I'm being honest). I'm not saying that I'm perfect or PC all the time: after all, I live with white privilege and was born in the USA. I don't have the same perspective as others.

I'm glad that we live in a country where we can question our government and each other without the fear of being imprisoned or stoned to death. So many of our fellow Citizens of Earth look with envy to our elections where leaders are changed regularly, without bloodshed. I'm glad that we all get a vote in that process, even if I don't agree with you. And if you don't vote, shame on you! 

Our fellow Citizens of Earth want what we all want - a chance at life and happiness.

Yes, there are those that wish us harm, but there are plenty of those people who were born here in the good old USA. It's true, like some psychopaths here, some of those "outsiders" have evil hearts (well, mental illness at least.) Others' hearts and minds have been twisted by promises that they or their families will be taken care of if they attack innocent people. If you can't afford to feed your family, what wouldn't you do for them?

Today, I choose hope over fear. I choose to live my life instead of fearing that which I don't know or understand. Why should I let terrorists steal my joy? Their entire purpose is to instill fear in our hearts. 

We can't let them.

Despite many people's beliefs that we are going in the wrong direction, I think future generations are going to do great things. I see evidence of it every day. The high school that I attended just crowned two Special Olympic Athletes to be their Homecoming King and Queen. These kids are inspiring. They are making this world better.

Make a decision to live and not exist. Help others where and how you can and remember that we are all part of the Human Race. 

Today I was feeling powerless to do anything other than speak up when I saw a social media post that I didn't agree with. I got home from work to find an aptly timed letter from VGIF looking for donations. I can't solve the world's problems, but I can write a small check that will actually have an impact on another person's life. Having been involved with their organization, I can attest that their funding truly does make a difference in recipients' lives. If you're feeling powerless, and can afford to donate time or money, I encourage you to donate to VGIF or a similar cause.

There, I feel better already.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. - Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Deep thoughts

“You’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” said my massage therapist.

“You must be psychic. You should combine psychic services with massage therapy,” I said.

No psychic ability needed; people who suffer from migraines or do a lot of thinking tend to have a ton of tension in the muscle that goes into the base of their skull. She told me the name of the aforementioned muscle, but I was too busy enjoying my massage to recall the name. Although I suffer from migraines, I haven't had one since my last massage, so I agreed with her clinical impressions. I also had a terrible run later that evening. The next day I learned that you’re not supposed to take part in strenuous exercise after having a massage. Good to know! But I digress…

There’s been a lot to think about recently. I’ll start with the potentially less life-impacting thing first: purchasing another car. We’re going to keep Jay’s truck Charlene as well as sweet Roxie, who has nearly 300k miles on her. Roxie is a great commuter car and good for at least half a million miles. We also wouldn’t get much money for trading her in. There are so many decisions to be made. New or used? What should we buy? SUV or wagon? There are a lot of models in the running. Jay wants a new car and thinks that is where all the deals are. Although I would love a new car, I’m leaning towards used so that we can get more bells and whistles (heated leather seats are awesome).

Now on to the real thinking – about life. I’m not passionate about my job. I’m not making a difference. Although I’m sure that if you asked some of the physicians, I’m making a difference in their lives by giving them a terrible schedule. I also listen to them whine and gripe about each other (the inference I get is that I'm also supposed to do something about the offender). Sometimes the complaints are legitimate, others not so much. Apart from the occasional “Thanks for the great schedule!” emails, there isn’t much enjoyment I get from work apart from my paycheck. Of course, this is not to say that I don’t like my job.  I gain satisfaction from completing a project or compiling and presenting data in new and exciting ways. I’m happy when people tell me that I’m doing a good job. These are basic things, but it keeps me sane. I’ve made a few friends. The money is decent and I like my bosses. This will do for at least the next few years.

However, it’s time for me to start thinking about #26 on my 101 list. That is “Figure out what I want to be when I grow up or figure out my degree path.” This happens to coincide with #8 on my bucket list: Get my 4 year degree. 

The fastest way to that four year degree is through either a business administration degree or a psychology degree. A psych degree is pretty much useless unless I’m planning to get a PhD (however I may do a double major just because I have so many psych courses already). The business administration field is just not my thing. A marketing approach might be fun so that I could be creative, but I don’t see myself as the business type. With a degree in social work, I could earn my master’s degree while working in the field. Ultimately, I’d like to either have my own private counseling practice or work in the schools. The benefit to working in the schools is that I would finally have that extended vacation time that I’ve been looking for. School counselor jobs are hard to come by around here, so I would have to be patient for an opening to come up.

Fortunately for me, Salisbury University offers a bachelors and masters of social work through the Higher Education Center at Chesapeake College. From the information I’ve been able to track down, there are four or five general ed classes that I’ll need to take before being able to enroll in the social work curriculum. I’ll find out which ones those are when I meet with an advisor, but I’m pretty sure they will be bio and history courses. 

As usual, this epiphany occurred a little too late for me to get my act together and sign up for fall classes. I will have the next few months to prepare my mind for the spring semester and make some tough decisions about how much time I can devote to the organizations that I love. 

Summer Bucket List Update

The last week has been busier than usual and I’m quite worn out!

Last Wednesday I took the final exam for my PADI open water diver class. I missed one question on the entire thing and I doubt that I’ll ever hear the end of it from Jay, who of course was the first one done and got a 100%. For the record, both the test and the textbook could benefit from some editing. The test did send me into a case of the giggles and I thought I was going to totally lose it. There were six or so questions on hand signals and underwater communications. One of the illustrations was the signal for share air. The selections were along the lines of “a. I’m hungry!  B. Are you thirsty? C. Share Air.” Other favorite answers from this section were:  Will you be my buddy? <-- Low on air) Wave to friends on the shore/boat. (<--Help!) My finger is cold. (<--OK signal)

Seriously, my finger is cold? If someone selected that answer on their test, I would never want to be paired up with them on a dive!

This is the OK/My finger is cold signal

Although we haven’t completed our check-out dives yet, I feel pretty comfortable marking off “learn how to SCUBA dive” from my Seasonal Bucket List. After all, I've had four open water dives already - I just didn't know all of the skills until I took the class.

Our checkout dives are scheduled for the last weekend in September. Jay is suddenly gung-ho about diving, so I’m pretty sure that we’ll be getting our Advanced Open Water certifications next – likely in October. Apparently DCFD is in the process of assembling a dive team. So I’m sure that Rescue Diver will be on the list after AOW. It’s a slippery slope. Before long, we’ll be selling the house and buying a dive operation in Australia. Remember this lengthy post on experiences and choices? Maybe we’ll buy a liveaboard boat and charter dives in the Whitsundays! 

On to the next…

Running had been going well. I’m still terribly slow, but I’m building up my endurance. Technically I’m at Week 6 Day 3 of Couch to 5k. However, my last run on Saturday was terrible and there’s no way that I’m ready for a 22 minute run.

I’m backing up to Week 6 Day 1. This seems much more reasonable to me.

Since I've been doing Couch 25k, I haven't been paying much attention to what I've been eating. I felt like I'd probably lost weight since I've been good about exercising. Unfortunately, I haven't lost anything. I may have even gained weight. So it's back to faithful tracking with LoseIt. After all, I've gotta look good for my vacation to the Dominican Republic. 

Summerfest was over the weekend and I spent many hours scooping ice cream. 

Then I wandered, watched the fireworks from Harry’s, and had a bit too much to drink at the pub. 

I took a lot of photos there and most of them are blurry.

Lots of photos to come tomorrow on Wordless Wednesday. A summer photo dump!

Weekend plans

The hubby and I are supposed to have date night tonight. Date night last month was canceled because our friend Brian came to visit. One advantage to having date night on the first Friday of the month is that we get bonus points on our Chase Sapphire Preferred Card for anything we spend dining.

Jay wants to do something active. I'm not so sure that my body is up for much more than a walk. I've been good. Too good. Since last Friday, I have only had one day off of active. Couch 25k runs were on Friday, Monday, and Thursday (yesterday). Last Saturday I went kayaking and did the ropes course. Tuesday I went to Pilates with Angela, where my hip was making horrifying noises and gave me quite a lot of trouble. Wednesday is our SCUBA night, which burns a ton of calories.

I also suffer from migraines. Over the past week, I have had no less than four. I woke up with one this morning as well. I have been burning through the Imitrex, believe me. I had ONE beer this week. My boss joked that maybe I was getting so many migraines because I wasn't drinking enough.

This is the only drink I had this week

So let's just say that tonight I am really not feeling up to being active. I want to have dinner somewhere nice, go on a stroll through town, then go home and watch a movie. 

If the hubs insists on doing something active, I am going to suggest that we go to the Caroline County Fair, where we can watch the Dress a Goat and Greased Pig contests. I'm pretty sure that they also have a rock wall on the fairgrounds, so if he wants to be active, he can climb that while I watch.

Tomorrow, I'll be helping with setup for Fiber Fest and then hopefully we will be going down to the beach. Also on tap for this weekend: marshmallow making and rooster eating. 

Where I've been

Yes, it's been a while!  So sorry.

First it was a busy work week, followed by my whirlwind weekend in NYC making the world a better place for women and girls, then I rushed home to batten down the hatches in time for Frankenstorm Sandy. We weathered the storm well except for a leaking light fixture in the upstairs bathroom, the chickens weren't too happy (coop design causes water to leak in through the back wall, but they were dry as long as they stayed on their perches), lost power for a little over a day, got to stay home from work for two days (hurray!), worked a little at home during the two days, then tried to jam 5 days of work into 3... and then it was time to celebrate my darling husband's birthday.

We celebrated last weekend with an awesome buffet dinner at Suicide Bridge Restaurant on Friday night, where I stuffed myself sick. On Saturday, we were invited to tailgate with our friend Jared's father-in-law (that would be the fabulous Laura's dad) at Punkin Chunkin. It was my first time, which is funny since I've lived on the shore for most of my life and we had a great day. At least, until  this loser  decided to decorate me with mud -

I can only imagine it's because he was jealous of my DCFD jacket. Short version of the story:  Laura's dad had a small fire going for warmth and cooking, about 3 logs that were about 4" in diameter and 2.5 feet long. The fire was going all day, no problem... until about 5pm, when someone pulled up on a golf cart and said that we had to put it out since it was free-burning. Okay, whatever, we'll try. Then they said that if we couldn't put it out then they'd get the FD to extinguish it. We (along with some others who had stopped by to get warm)  put water on it, threw dirt, and stomped on it. The fire was just smoking at this point, no flame at all.

Well then Bridgeville VFD came over with a brush truck to put out what remained of our fire. Sure, fine. Then aforementioned loser stretches the line and starts putting water on the "fire." No big deal at first, just putting a little water on since it was pretty much out. THEN, he starts blasting the coals and throwing mud everywhere. Then people started saying things like, "SERIOUSLY?? What is WRONG with you!?" Probably some other choice words as well. Now mind you, I was standing a good 10-15 feet back from this fire and I got covered in mud - my face, jacket, everything. The next morning I found mud in my ear. The guy never said, "Hey, stand back" or anything. We of course asked his name, to which he replied, "Brian F*cking Willey, remember it!!" Oh, we remembered. I still haven't composed a thoughtful letter to Bridgeville VFD, but I shall.

Sunday (4th) was Jay's actual birthday. We'd planned to lay low, watch football and make some tasty meals, but our friends took us out to lunch at the Jetty to celebrate. I spent a good hour fixing the special birthday dinner, but neither of us was all that hungry because of the late lunch. Bummer, because it was pretty good.

I'm hoping to be a homebody for this upcoming weekend. No big plans and hoping that it stays that way!

As a sidebar, we've decided to hire someone to install the drywall in the final bedroom. It'll cost a lot more, but it will look better and we won't have to worry about it. We just want it to be done so that we can refinance the house and start on the FUN projects... deck, shed/workshop (complete with new chicken coop and Jay's mancave), a new privacy fence, patio with outdoor fireplace. I can't wait to do all of the fun stuff and actually begin decorating our home.

Fall Fun

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy, and it's only going to get worse. Fortunately the end is in sight - I have nothing planned for the first weekend of November, and it is going to stay that way!

My girlfriend visited with her kids and hubby last weekend. We had a fun-filled weekend of pumpkin picking, alpacas, the Renaissance Festival and of course the Things game... or as my girlfriends and I call it, "Things in a box." Because, you know, it comes in a box. Duh.

Jen pulling Annabelle in the wagon while carrying Caroline... supermom!

Annabelle being silly

Oh hai! Wanna go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch!! (okay, I saw it on a meme)

Muffin has ears

This baby loves Phil... he's the alpaca whisperer (and also the owner of the alpaca farm)

Our game of things in a box and Jay carrying in the milk from Nice Farms Creamery.

 The products from Nice Farms are sooo freaking delicious. I've been buying their milk and yogurt for a few weeks (since the party). They recently announced that they are now making butter as well... I can't wait to smear some on fresh-baked bread. I've taken a bit of a break from baking over the summer. Now that the weather is cooler, I'm finding myself yearning for hot french bread out of the oven.

The reason I took the photo of Jay carrying the milk is because our chickens follow us everywhere... they think that they're dogs. They kind of are, I suppose. They come running when you call them and even come running when they see my car pull up. We give them treats and they're constantly underfoot and trying to sneak into the house. Naughty chickpoos.

Tim taking Annabelle down the slide at Ren Fest

Jay and Tim throwing pointy things... what goes better together than beer and sharp objects?

Nom nom nom oyster shooters! This is one of my favorite parts of Ren Fest

Late afternoon Mouse

One of my coworkers/old neighbors stuck this in interoffice to me. It totally made my day. This is me and my neighbor Neil in 1985. My dad made me my costume (looks like my antenna broke!). I love the duct tape on my wings... thanks, Dad! :)

This is one of my favorite fall activities...reading in front of the fireplace. :)

Hot mulled cider with rum enjoyed with good friends at Harry's on the Green 

Even my straw is happy, look at his smiling face!

There's a lot going on at work, home and pretty much in every aspect of my life right now. To be quite honest, it sucks. Work is busy and I've had some problems with the physicians' holiday schedules. Like getting emails so nasty that they make you cry kind of problems. It hasn't been fun. My volunteer position with the group in NYC hasn't kept me as busy lately, I think others have stepped up in my place because I'm not getting nearly as many emails or as much harassment. It's been nice. I'm supposed to go to the board meeting in NYC next weekend, but I really don't want to go. Since I'm stepping down, I don't feel like I have much to contribute, and I'm just tired of dealing with anything involving the group.

This weekend, Jay and I will be going to New Castle, PA to investigate Hill View Manor  with some of the celebrity ghost hunters. This is our fifth event and we're getting antsy to form our own group and go out on our own. We've grown more skeptical in our investigative tactics, so I hope that we get some crazy evidence this time. We used to be huge believers in the "flashlight test", but then realized that it's often just a malfunctioning flashlight. We did use the flashlight test in our own home and came up with some pretty wild results, but I think it requires more testing. I think it could possibly be used as an effective technique IF controls were put in place - using 3 flashlights, asking to light up certain flashlights, asking control questions and the like. 

I wish I had more time for things like ghost hunting!

That's all for now... maybe next week I'll have some scary ghost pictures to post. ;-)

Vita brevis - tempus fugit

Funny fact about my dad's obituary picture:  He took his own photo. It was his headshot that he used for his performing gigs. He put up a black trash bag over the downstairs mirror and used the timer on the camera.

Mark Grande
Executive Director
Caroline County Council of the Arts

Mark died Friday, August 5, 2005 at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. He was 58.

Born in Minneapolis, Minn., Mark was the son of the late Stanley Joseph Grande and Dorothy Ann Kaster Grande. He graduated from Our Lady of Good Counsel High School in Silver Spring and the University of Maryland.

Mark was a self-employed businessman. He owned a bike shop in Glen Burnie for ten years. He moved to the Denton area in February 1980. He had a camera and optical equipment repair business and played music at many venues in Caroline County and surrounding areas in addition to being executive director of the Caroline County Council of the Arts. He was actively involved with the Caroline County Historical Society, and also was involved in a myriad of other organizations.

Mark is survived by his daughter, Lauren Y. Grande of Pasadena; three sisters, Mary A. Grande of Sykesville, Nancy M. Grand of Surfer's Paradise, Australia, and DeDe Ryan of Boise, Idaho; and one niece, Emily C. Ryan of Boise, Idaho.

A memorial service will be held at 11 a.m., Saturday, August 13, at the Moore Funeral Home P.A., 12 South Second Street, Denton, where friends may call one hour before the service.

In lieu of flowers, the family suggests memorial donations be sent to Caroline County Council of the Arts, P.O. Box 292, Denton, MD, 21629. The council plans to develop a Mark Grande Memorial Scholarship in the Arts.

My dad was the first person who told me what "Tempus fugit" meant.

We were in Rehoboth Beach nearly 20 years ago. I was cool back then, wearing my Doc Martens and dyed black no. 1 hair. It was surely during my goth phase; I remember looking for vampire fangs. Back then, vampires didn't glitter and I thought that I had life figured out.

There was a little alley that we walked through off the boardwalk.  The front of the store promised funky things that would appeal to a teenage girl like me. The shop's name was "Tempus fugit." "What a weird name," I said to my dad. "Time passes," he said.  "Huh?"  "Time passes," said dad, ever patient even when dealing with my teenage self. "It means 'Time passes' in Latin."  "Oh," I said, "Whatever."

I have thought about that seemingly insignificant exchange for the past 7 years, especially on this date. Today marks the 7th year of my dad's passing. I suppose that it gets a little bit easier every year, but I still find myself incredibly emotional in the week or so leading up to the date. I am pretty much ready to cry at the drop of a hat. This morning as I waited in line at Dunkin Donuts, I had a hard time keeping it together. Here I am standing in line, sweat-soaked and stinky, sunburned and covered in dirt, with tears running down my face while I updated my Facebook status. I should have known better than to update my status in public:

Lauren Grande Lerch

7 hours ago via BlackBerry Smartphones App

Just finished helping with tent set up for the FACES grand opening. Can't think of a better way to honor my dad's memory than to spend my day with the CCCA. Hard to believe it's been 7 years today.

Seven  years. In that time, there have been so many changes in my life. So many things that he missed. So many times that I wish I could ask his advice or talk to him about something. I wish that I could've made him dinner and shown him that despite being raised on popcorn and sardines that I ended up a pretty good cook. 

So as my status says, I spent the morning helping to set up tents for the grand opening of the FACES building - that's the Fiber Arts Center of the Eastern Shore. It was hot and filthy work, but I thought that devoting part of my day to the arts council was a good way to be a little closer to dad today. 

After I got home, I played with power tools and put a lip on the front of the chicken's nesting boxes so that they would stop throwing their shavings out on the floor. Afterwards, I sealed the grout in the kitchen, and sang while I worked. I've found singing to be incredibly cathartic and try to do it whenever I'm alone in the house. I know that Jay wouldn't mind, but I feel a little silly belting out showtunes when he's home.

I also had a dinner in dad's honor, while listening to a book on tape (er, mp3 - I know that he would approve)... sardines on saltine crackers, puffin corn (which is a cross between popcorn and cheese puffs - I would've done straight popcorn, but I have no kitchen/stove/microwave working at the moment), and some sugar wafers for dessert. Washed down with a cheap and tasty glass of Two Oceans Sauvignon Blanc. It has a screw top, so you know it's good. Or as my Aunt Nancy calls it - traveling wine! It's good to take on the train when you're going through Europe. :) 

From what I've heard, they're calling for some strong storms this evening. I'm hoping to watch the storms like I used to do with dad.

One thing that I've been doing with my dad's cremains (those are his "ashes" so to speak) is to take a small container with me when I travel. This really all started when I met Nancy in Paris about 6 years ago. She wanted some of my dad's ashes to take back with her to Australia. We took lots of photos of us with dad while we were traveling... in Parisian brasseries and on the high speed TGV. He was always with us.

It's all a bit funny, because my dad hated to travel. However, he was a fan of black humor, so I know that he would get a kick out of his remains making their way around the world. He's been on 3 continents and who knows how many countries he's visited.

Here is a list of places where I've scattered his ashes so far:

Key West, FL - Higgs Beach (before our wedding ceremony)

Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic - Cofresi Beach

Niagara Falls - Rainbow Bridge (between U.S. and Canada)

Bahamas - Paradise Island

I feel like there are a few places that I've missed. We've taken him on some trips and never actually scattered the cremains.

Before our wedding ceremony in Key West

In the shade of palm trees in the Bahamas

Of course my dad hated the beach, but he liked to spend time with me.  He'd grab a chair and park himself in a shady spot. I know he is always near me...he's reading a book in the shade. That's why I can't see him.

Cheers to you, dad. Time may pass, but your memory never diminishes.