Thoughts and Prayers

After every shooting, I see an offer of "Thoughts and Prayers." I cynically posted a "Thoughts and Prayers" meme after the church shooting in November in Texas. I said "If only those people in Texas had prayed harder." One of my friends commented "REALLY!?!?!"  Social media has become an increasingly polarizing place. The anonymity of posting memes and arguing with friends and strangers online has taken out a human element of reasonable discourse. We say things on Facebook that we would rarely say to another person's face, let alone our friends. I have been trying to be better about doing this, and taking these conversations offline and out in public.

Here are some of the comments and suggestions I have seen along with my own "thoughts and prayers."

People need to do a better job raising their kids!

Some children live in one-parent households (for a multitude of reasons) and their parents are doing their best just to put food on the table. We don’t know their situation; maybe they shouldn’t have been parents or didn’t want to be a parent in the first place. Maybe they couldn’t afford birth control, or their partner left them after they got pregnant. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and unfortunately some people only realize it after it’s too late. 

Let’s not forget the half million kids in foster care and their unique challenges. What do we do about those kids that get left behind? It is true that it "takes a village", and we all need to do our part to help out the kids that we see struggling. 

Some of these parents are doing everything they can to raise their kids right. Some children are born with antisocial personality disorder and don’t know the difference between right and wrong. There aren’t enough resources for the parents of these kids, and they also might have a hard time believing that there is something wrong with their child. Deinstitutionalization is another part of the problem, but that is a bag of worms for another day.

Teenagers can be insanely impulsive. As someone who was once a teenager, I can give quite a few personal anecdotes on this topic. According to researchers at the NIH, this is because teenage brains are in the process of maturing – their prefrontal cortexes are still maturing. The rational part of a teen's brain isn't fully developed and won't be until about age 25. As adults, we reason better, develop more control over impulses and make better judgments. This also makes me wonder why we are sending people to war without fully developed brains.

So while everyone is screaming mental illness, let’s be honest with ourselves – teenagers are impulsive and do stupid things. It's because they have developing brains.

If you see something say something! 

People do. Unfortunately, these systems fail as they did in Florida. Reports are now emerging that the latest shooter was reported to authorities multiple times. Also, not every incident is meticulously planned – some are impulsive teenage immature brain problems. There was also the 12 year old girl who brought a gun to school in her backpack. The backpack fell on the ground and discharged the gun, wounding 2 kids. That also puts to bed the "guns are inanimate objects" argument as well. They can misfire and accidents can happen. 

Video games and violent TV/movies/glorification of violence are the problem!
Study results have been inconsistent at best and have produced conflicting results at worst. Canada and Europe have many similar shows/movies/music, yet they don't have these problems. That said, those countries have some major differences: socialized medicine and strict gun laws. 

Mental Illness is the problem!

According to NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Health), approximately 1 in 5 adults in the US (43.8 million) experience mental illness in any given year. Certainly many of the mass shooters were suffering from mental health issues, but to say that anyone who has a mental illness will commit a violent crime is simply false. It creates even more stigma for those who suffer from these invisible illnesses. 

Our schools need more security!

There was an armed guard at Parkland High School. It is now reported that he froze in the situation and never went inside to confront the gunman. If this was a trained deputy, why should we expect better from armed teachers? Teachers are barely paid enough as it is for the work that they do. Most of them went into the profession to teach children, not defend them from armed maniacs. Assuming that the teachers would want to be armed, we would also have several officers carrying guns to protect each school entrance, of course we would also install metal detectors. 
Are we sending our kids to school or sending them to prison?

We already have gun laws / gun laws don’t work in Chicago/Baltimore/other place

While it is true that there are plenty of gun laws on the books, the inconsistency between state laws create a lot of problems. Due to lax gun laws in neighboring states, all it takes is an hour or less drive into a neighboring state to have someone make a straw purchase or even a legal purchase. 

On to facts.

Part of the reason that gun violence is difficult to study is because of the Dickey Amendment of 1996, which ties the hands of the CDC and prevents them from using Federal funds to “advocate or promote gun control.” The NRA pushed for this amendment at the time, after researchers had produced studies that suggested that having a gun in the house increased the risk of homicide and suicide (spoiler alert: it does). 

Since 1968, more than 1.5 million Americans have died in gun-related incidents, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. By comparison, approximately 1.2 million service members have been killed in every war in U.S. history, according to estimates from the Department of Veterans Affairs and iCasualties.org, a website that maintains an ongoing database of casualties from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. For the record, this number includes suicides. 

There were nearly twice as many suicides involving firearms in 2015 as there were murders involving guns, and the rate has been increasing in recent years. Suicide by firearm accounts for almost half of all suicides in the US, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A 2016 study published in the American Journal of Public Health found there was a strong relationship between higher levels of gun ownership in a state and higher firearm suicide rates for both men and women.

More guns also means that more police officers are killed. Researchers looked at federal data for firearm ownership and homicides of police officers across the US over 15 years. They found that states with more gun ownership had more cops killed in homicides: Every 10 percent increase in firearm ownership correlated with 10 additional officers killed in homicides over the 15-year study period (American Journal of Public Health).

Here’s another data point: Although we hear a lot about AR-15s and “assault weapons” during mass shooting incidents, most murders caused by guns involve handguns (FBI). The nature of semi-automatic weapons like the AR-15 makes it easier for mass shooters to take out a large amount of targets in a short time frame, due to accuracy and lack of recoil. This said, the truth is that these types of weapons statistically cause fewer deaths than handguns.

Proposed Solutions

Store your weapons securely. Guns should be secured unloaded in a biometrically locked gun safe, with a trigger lock engaged. If not in a gun safe, all guns should have a trigger lock device installed at all times. There are now biometric trigger locking devices available. If all gun owners followed these procedures, it would reduce unintentional injuries and deaths. 

Repeal the Dickey Amendment to allow the CDC to study gun violence. It is truly a public health crisis. Let's study it and create solutions that are backed up with scientific data.

Congress should pass legislation requiring universal background checks. That would close federal loopholes on background checks at gun shows and other private sales. Additionally, anyone who would like to own a firearm should pass a skills test showing that they know how to properly use their weapons and that they have the knowledge necessary to be a safe gun owner. This would be similar to the training already required for those obtaining concealed carry permits. As a part of this, a firearm registry could be created so that gun sales can be tracked. The registry should be able to be accessed by mental health professionals, school counselors, police officers, and anyone else who would need the information in their professions to “red flag” someone as going to hurt themselves or others.

Congress could also limit the number of guns that can be purchased by one person in a period of time. They could also raise the age limit of all gun purchases. It would be nice to say 25, as per the earlier immature teenage brain, but at least increase the age to 21. Lawmakers could toughen penalties for straw purchases. Mass shooters often carried more than one weapon; one was found with 24. At least 167 weapons of mass shooters were obtained legally and 49 were obtained illegally. It’s unclear how 76 weapons were acquired.

Institute a gun buyback program. The cost is not too much. With each mass shooting, schools are renovated or torn down and rebuilt, costing tens or hundreds of millions of dollars. How much is a life saved worth? How much do you value your life? Your child’s life? Another loved one? Your neighbor? What about the people in your community?

Although I personally don’t believe that anyone needs semi-automatic weapons, I do recognize that some people really enjoy guns. I believe that certain weapons should require an increased level of scrutiny or “extreme vetting” if you will. The folks that want weapons like the AR-15 should face closer scrutiny than someone who is hunting deer with their bolt action rifle. Perhaps congress needs to specify classes of firearms with screening procedures for each.

I recognize that America is a unique country. I would love to say that America can simply enact the same kind of wildly successful gun regulations that Australia has: 28 day waiting periods, thorough background checks, and a requirement to present a “justifiable reason” to own a gun. Their gun buyback program meant about a million guns went back to the government and were destroyed. 

The problem is that in America we have a gun for every person. However, it is estimated that less than one third of Americans own a gun. So one third of Americans own an estimated 320 million guns. What do you do with that? It’s hard to shut the barn door after the horse has already left the stable. 

Even though the horse has already left the stable, we have to do something and we have to start somewhere. The number of guns in this country has roughly doubled in the past 50 years. Perhaps 50 years from now the changes that we make today will have made a meaningful impact. I hope that my grandchildren never have to fear being gunned down in the classroom or on the street.

I live in a rural area with a big gun culture. I know families here who rely on hunting to provide food. Guns are a way of life here. We need hunters to control our wildlife population. Trust me, you’d wish that Bambi had been killed before she ran in front of your car. 

What it really comes down to is do we value our guns more than we value the lives of children?

I am in awe of the kids from Parkland who have started this movement and discussion. It's sad to say that fear seems to be the only effective motivator for change, but it appears that it is. The NRA pushes fear based motivation all the time: "bad guys" are coming after you. The Democrats are coming for your guns. 

It is both terrible and inspiring that it has taken children to stand up and say that they are tired of being slaughtered in their classrooms for anyone to do more than send "thoughts and prayers." 

My thoughts and prayers: March for Our Lives will be the falling of small stones that will start an avalanche.

A Change

My first blog post here was on April 10, 2012. In line with what was currently happening with our Home Improvements and all of the insanity that living in a construction zone entailed, I called it “Home Adventures and Unfortunate Incidents.” At the time, that was pretty much what was going on in our lives. Drama with the renovations, navigating being a quasi-newlywed – all of those things.

I’ve almost always had an online presence.

Starting in the early 90s I had a 14.4k dial up modem with a 386mhz processor DOS-based computer and all there was to log on to was a local BB. After that came IRC. Then AIM. I even created a website for a boyfriend's band back in the mid-90s. It was all HTML and I put a lot of work into it. Back in those days, people were pretty paranoid about the internet (hell, I guess many still are). The other band members freaked out and I had to take it down. I started my first website/blog on the Tripod platform in 2003. It’s actually still there (and no, I'm not giving you the address.)

However, I will give you a picture.

I miss that hair and that youth. Oh girl, what I could tell you.

Then there was Myspace, then blogging my 101 list in 2007, then Facebook. I feel like Facebook has contributed to the overall dumbing-down of society, the same way that those old chain letters and emails did. No, Bill Gates is not going to send you money, nor is there a Nigerian Prince who will share his fortune with you. Obama isn't Muslim. Vaccines don't cause autism.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Over the years, I would like to think that I have matured. A bit, at least. I spent a few minutes reading my old website and blog at Tripod... I think those entries are representative of how I have matured in the last ten+ years. I would share some, but they are too embarrassing!

This name change better reflects my current outlook on life in general. Plus I have a domain name now, so that's cool, right?

Unexpected Adventures is how I have come to see everything in my life over the past year or so, and also how I am making it work. This is true in all aspects of my life - work, home, and travel.

My Unexpected Adventures:

Work

I made a big jump back into the financial world nearly three years ago after leaving a fairly new position and coworkers that I liked. There have been challenges to overcome, but it was a great opportunity that has paid off for me. I also learned that I was pregnant several days after giving my notice at my old job. I don’t post much about it. I put in plenty of hours there and I don’t want to think about it when I’m not working! The only anecdote that I’ll share is that every day at work is a spelling bee.

Home & Family Life

I have a kid now, which I still find strange at times. Becoming a mom (especially a working mom) has brought with it all of the usual trials that one might expect. But it has also focused me on what really matters and has made me rethink my time commitments. It is fascinating to watch the development of my child from day to day, week to week, month to month, and now year to year, as he nears his second birthday. It is truly the most unexpected adventure of all, as I get to share the world with him. Honestly, I’ve probably learned more from watching him. Last weekend, he was overjoyed with bubbles.

I wish that I were that enthused about pretty much anything! Having a kid has also changed the dynamics of my marriage. In some ways, it has brought us closer together, but in others I think it has made our relationship more work. I'm probably a little too excited to go to Mexico later this year without little Markface.

Travel

About ten years ago, I didn’t understand why anyone would travel with kids, or want to travel with kids. I thought that they should just be polite to other travelers and not bring children on airplanes. It’s funny how your perspective changes once you find yourself in that situation. I posted that I wanted to not have my child totally consume my life, and traveling is how I'm continuing to live the life that I want. Sure, it's more difficult with a kid in tow. But life doesn't just stop because you have a kid. The first two years have been tough. The first year is exhausting. The second year, they're more mobile and you're just trying to keep them alive. As my girlfriend Sara has said, the kid just lacks any sense of self-preservation. Especially from about 14 - 22ish months. We had our first ER trip a few months back because he took a header down the stairs.

So for partially that reason, we haven't done much traveling this year, or taken him to any place too crazy. He has finally started to listen to us, so I am hopeful that when we go back to Australia next year that it won't be as painful as previous trips. Also, bribery is beginning to work on him, so I see that as a good thing!

All of that said, welcome to my Unexpected Adventures.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. 

101 in 1001 or 202 in 21

Here is our 202 list... the list isn't perfect. I think there are a few things and ideas repeated, but I've managed to assemble things in a somewhat chronological order.

I'll post my itinerary soon with photos from each day.

As you can see with number one, we began our journey in New Jersey on May 10th.

1. Make a left in Jersey
2. Fall in love with Air New Zealand's Premium Economy
3. Cuddle a koala
4. Feed a kangaroo
5. Get molested by lorikeets
6. Be involved in an AFA (automatic fire alarm - this happened in Coolangatta)
7. Watch surfers
8. Walkabout
9. Use a public restroom (OZ has tons of really nice ones!!)
10. Try a flat white coffee
11. Eat beef cheeks
12. Try out SCUBA diving
13. Pet a sea turtle
14. Not get bitten by a carpet shark (Jay thought our dive instructor wanted him to pet it)
15. Find Nemo (found him MANY times!)
16. Watch the sun rise in Coolangatta
17. Pet a fish 
18. Play Apples to Apples
19. Jaywalk comfortably (it's harder than it looks when you're used to right-hand side driving)
20. Stand between two states (NSW and QLD)
21. Find a spot for dad in Coolangatta (he's in the dunes and under a pine tree - I thought he'd enjoy all the lorikeets)
22. Sing with Aunt Nancy (we had a little concert on my last night there)
23. Swallow a live fly (Jay drank a fly in his wineglass)
24. Find Whites Beach (black sand - we found a similar beach in Bayview, NZ)
25. Try Australian pizza 
26. Make a u-turn on the runway (Proserpine Airport is TINY!)
27. Concerns a boat... activity is censored! :)
28. Pee off of a boat
29. Not shower for two days (pact made by fellow Whitsunday Getaway couples)
30. Step in cow poo
31. Walk down railroad tracks
32. Find and try Korean BBQ (AWESOME - in Townsville)
33. Book the last hotel room (at the holiday inn in Townsville)
34. Smash toe in hotel room (seriously who puts a 1" metal lip between the bedroom and bathroom?)
35. Get freaked out in Dimbulah
36. Go over a scary f'n bridge (Destination Truth style!!)
37. Go through the Bismarck Range
38. Share the road.... with cows
39. Drive in the dark
40. Walk in a rainforest
41. Spot for dad in Daintree Rainforest (Daintree Discovery Center - seemed like his kinda place)
42. Eat rainforest ice cream
43. Ride a ferry (across croc-infested waters)
44. Go on a croc river cruise
45. Eat kangaroo (at the Daintree Tea House)
46. Drive windy roads in Daintree (and not die)
47. Figure out how to use air conditioning in hotel room (took us two hours - had to put our hotel key in a slot)
48. Chat with locals (yep, lots of that)
49. See how racist locals are (OMG the racism in OZ was bizarre)
50. Get elfed by a 9 year old (in Almaden of all places)
51. Feel like we were on Destination Truth (so many times)
52. Not see any wildlife in Daintree Discovery Center. $60
53. Have a wine and cheese night
54. Something censored to do with the Outback
55. Take pictures of Australian chickens
56. Steal an Outback newspaper (front page was about the Wheelbarrow Race)
57. Drive over a waterfall (did this several times)
58. See wild crocodiles
59. See a baby crocodile
60. Attempt to sneak into zoo at night (then later find out it was open and we could've gone in)
61. Feed a cassowary
62. Feed an animal prosciutto
63. Feed a wallaby
64. Get eaten by mosquitoes
65. Stay at a hotel in a zoo
66. Finish Kvothe (the Kingkiller Chronicles) - this was super sadface, we enjoyed this audiobook. Hope the author comes out with a new book soon!
67. Draw on each other (I think this happened on the wine and cheese night)
68. Eat strong and bitey cheese (I love what they call stuff over there)
69. Have Cuban rum
70. Enjoy the best mojito ever at Fish d'vine 
71. Boop a kangaroo
72. Pat a kookaburra
73. Pat a dingo 
74. Feed a croc prosciutto
75. Watch croc attack a piece of cured meat
76. Poke a squirrel glider
77. Feed a wallaby (hmm. it appears we did that in 63. oh well)
78. Feed a cockatoo or twenty
79. Taunt a cassowary
80. Something to do with a rainforest
81. Have a wallaby growl at you
82. Have a dingo snap at you
83. Get bitten by an emu
84. Touch a wombat
85. Feed a cassowary (oops, 61)
86. Feed a kookaburra
87. Start a croc feeding frenzy (oops! apparently they really enjoy salami - who knew?)
88. Break tooth on salami
89. Baby bird a croc (see breaking tooth on salami)
90. Boop a quolle
91. Visit the Giant Mango in Bowen
92. Dive 3 sites in the Great Barrier Reef - the Agincourt Reef and Low Isles on Poseidon
93. Learn more dive skills and actually be tested and expect to do stuff
94. Take regulator out of mouth on purpose
95. See a white-tipped reef shark
96. Hold a sea cucumber
97. Nearly get puked on
98. Ride the vomit comet
99. Run into Sally & Chris on the dock having happy hour after getting off dive boat
100. Surf the Bay on the front of the Poseidon a la Titanic
101. Stinky Plastic Couple - Ewww.
102. Get offered free drinks at the Sea Temple because our rooms weren't ready - AND WE WERE EARLY for check in!
103. Have a private hot tub session
104. BBQ our own food at Sea Temple on our rooftop deck
105. Wash a pack of cigarettes and try to hide it (Jay was supposed to quit smoking for this trip, but brought an emergency pack... he washed nearly the whole thing and made quite a mess)
106. Get upgraded to nice apartment
107. Buy souvenirs
108. Stay at Horse and Jockey in at Matamata
109. Have a terrible fried dinner at the Horse and Jockey (pork wontons and curly fries)
110. Hear neighbors in next room peeing because of hole in the wall
111. Leave Horse & Jockey via the fire exit
112. Go from six people in our tour group at Hobbiton to fifty
113. Have a rather obnoxious tour guide at Hobbiton
114. Have a half pint at the Green Dragon
115. Get called a "Little Hobbit"
116. See bag End
117. See Gandalf's limb
118. Discover why the toilet squatting sign exists (in Hobbiton)
119. Hobbiton - where the urinal cakes are hobbit-sized and so are the beers
120. Have an awesome dinner at HuHu Cafe
121. Have awesome dessert at HuHu Cafe
122. Have best culinary experience EVER at HuHu (Waitomo)
123. Sleep in a Hobbit Motel
124. Meet Barry aka Billy Black
125. Abseil 35 meters and not get stuck or die
126. Zipline in pitch black under glow worms
127. Jump into freezing cold water (10C)
128. Ride a tube underground (blackwater raft)
129. Cave slide 
130. Survive double waterfall of death
131. Get invited hunting in Mississippi (and met our first Americans)
132. Stub toe on rock after caving trip and lose a toenail
133. Something about hot springs
134. Go skinny dipping in hot spring
135. Eat good Thai food
136. Something about a trailer
137. See Mount Doom from our breakfast table
138. Simply walk into Mordor (we figure that if we could see Mt Doom from our breakfast table, we were already in Mordor)
139. Have a disgusting cider (Elderflower & Apple and Black currant & Apple)
140. Pass a tractor without incident
141. Visit our new kiwi friends in Bayview/Napier (Sally & Chris)
142. Go on black beach and find cool shit
143. Find a spot for dad in Hawkes Bay (at the end of Franklin Road on the beach)
144. Get a private tour of Napier/Hastings by kiwis
145. Do a tasting at Cidery and TeMATA
146. Learn about scrumpy hands, possum and cone - best drinking games ever
147. Have an authentic kiwi dinner (roast & 3-veg)
148. Get completely shitfaced (7 bottles of wine, 2L scrumpy and a 6 pack of beer consumed by 4 people)
149. Eat a roach (that was all Jay - quite the entomologist this trip!)
150. Draw best map of USA ever 
151. Sleep in a vineyard (they grow Sauvignon Blanc, Merlot & Chardonnay varieties)
152. Spill stuff on our gracious hosts' carpet
153. Go wandering about hosts' house in underwear
154. Sleep naked in another bed from where you initially were sleeping (and wake up with no idea where you are)
155. Soak up spillage with socks
156. Wake up and have no idea where your husband is
157. Black out from Scrumpy (or everything else)
158. Drink 3 bottles of 2004 award-winning wine
159. Exclaim, "What the fuck happened last night??"
160. Puke
161. Consider leaving before your hosts wake up
162. Get invited to stay a second night
163. Try Ginger Beer
164. Drive with one of the worst hangovers ever (on the other side of the road through crazy mountain passes and one lane bridges_
165. Have a good lunch in Rotorua (Mac's Steaks)
166. Walk Lake Trail in Rotorua
167. Watch Asians with cameras feed birds an entire loaf of bread (despite signs)
168. Take a dump in a public toilet
169. See an Indian (presumable American Indian??) on horseback walk down a sidewalk in Tauranga
170. Learn Tauranga is not a place we want to stay
171. Pay a toll
172. Arrive in Mount Maunganui after doubting its existence (drove forever through shipyards)
173. Discover it's difficult to book hotels during the Queen's Birthday Weekend (observed June 3rd 2013)
174. Book the last available hotel in town at Macca's using their free wifi (Baywatch Motor Inn)
175. Develop a disturbing arrythmia (this was Jay, he eventually got better... we think it was due to an electrolyte imbalance from the puking/drinking plus lack of sleep)
176. Have the best pork belly ever (Latitude 37 or Vine in Taupo)
177. See (and play) the FJ Cruiser game
178. Tip a grateful waitress at Latitude 37
179. Find a spot for dad in Mt Maunganui
180. Avoid getting run into by runner (there was some kind of crazy run/walk/bike ride thing happening there)
181. Eat mincemeat pie - delicious!
182. Walk across a CRAZY bridge
183. Start a parking trend
184. Almost get run over by a mountain biker
185. Spot a giant mushroom
186. Successfully drop off rental car
187. Take a weird-ass bus ride
188. Spot homeless people (they're pretty much the same worldwide) - then consider giving them a bottle of wine
189. Mistakenly see Auckland by staying on a bus too long
190. Be surprised by an awesome dinner at Lord Nelson's in Auckland
191. Get a second Skycouch AND be undercharged for it
192. Catch the airport bus perfectly
193. Be test subjects for the egate (I was denied!)
194. Find and buy Cuban rum
195. Debate merits of buying a sheepskin rug at the airport. In hindsight, I kinda wish we had. Even though I have no idea what I'd do with it.
196. Kick a guy off Skycouch
197. Something about Cuban rum. What? You want mojitos?
198. Walk on Manhattan Beach Pier (back in CA)
199. Run into couple from our flight to the US from New Zealand (South Islanders) at El Sombrero in Manhattan Beach. They were heading to the Caribbean to spend a few months on a friend's yacht. You know, since their growing season is over (another vineyard owning couple).
200. Not lose wallet in El Segundo
201. Get Roxie to start (it took some coaxing, sweet girl... she has nearly 300k on her and she was sitting for THREE WEEKS!)
202. Survive the trip, including the drive home

Almost Wordless Wednesday - More trip pics

All of the photos (at least those we are sharing) from our trip are finally up. Check them out on Shutterfly!

 

Experiences and Choices

I'll apologize for this rambling post. There have been a few different versions as I was trying to work stuff out. I considered never posting it at all, but just in case it helps someone out, I thought I should put it out there. Maybe someone googles, "reverse culture shock" or "yearning for something more." Or maybe even "crumb snatchers." Who knows. But I hope that someone reads it and can relate to it.

Yes, this place is real. I've been there. I took the picture.

Since I returned from my trip, I’ve been suffering from reverse culture shock. Yes, I know it's a bit ridiculous since I was gone for only three weeks. Plenty of other people go on holiday, ahem, vacation for a month or longer, although not typically in the good ole USA. People hardly even use all of their meager vacation time here. On the other side of the ocean (in either direction), lots of young adults take gap years to travel the world. Oh how I envy them.

Your experiences change you. Sometimes the changes are temporary; others are permanent changes.

When I was 25 and my father died, it changed me permanently. It aged me in many ways. I realized that nothing is ever certain. It made me desperate to cling to anything that was the norm while he was alive (i.e. ex-boyfriend who I should’ve ditched way sooner). It made me a little on the impulsive side… since nothing was ever certain, why not live for today and for this very moment. I did a lot of stupid shit. 

But… I learned. Time and experience are the best teachers. Time and experience can change you. Yes, you’re still you… but a better version of you (hopefully).

Visiting Australia and New Zealand has changed me. In some ways I know that the changes will be temporary; jet lag, being back at work, driving (okay, riding – Jay did all the driving) on the other side of the road… the usual stuff. Mostly it's given me a yearning for something more. A new childlike wonder of the world - it's such an amazing place. People on the other side of the planet speak our language, yet are different in so many ways from us. For the first time, I think I would be more than capable of joining Josh Gates and his crew from Destination Truth. Searching for ghosts in Antarctica? That sounds fun! Diving to search for mermaids in Israel? Count me in! 

Survived the double waterfalls of doom. One of the craziest things I've ever done and I loved every second.

My life seems to have come to a crossroads. Or maybe I just think it’s at a crossroads. Maybe this wouldn’t be so panic-inducing if this hadn’t come at a time when we are finished the house, financially stable and planning for little crumb snatchers. Maybe because of aforementioned crumb snatchers, I want a better life for them. A better life for them and me - which means getting as far away as possible from immediate family members who drive me mad. Or maybe I'm just enjoying my life so much that I'm worried that kids will put a damper on my vacation plans. Sorry kids, we're not going to Disneyland - we're going to Uruguay.

There is an Aborigine with a didgeridoo in this picture. I wish I'd been able to frame him playing it.

Australia is an amazing country. I love the people, the lifestyle, the egalitarian society, the free healthcare. Australia is a liberal’s utopian world (apart from the blatant racism that I witnessed, which was bizarre and went against everything they seem to stand for). They eat healthier and seem to take better care of themselves than Americans. People there are engaged with each other; you see them being more aware of their surroundings and not occupied with their phones. And most of them seem genuinely happy. 

Bill Bryson is one of my favorite authors (I swear I'm going somewhere with this). Perhaps it’s because he writes travel books and I adore his sense of humor. His book In a Sunburned Country is my current favorite. After visiting the country, there is just no way that I could better summarize Australia.

Here are two of my favorite excerpts:

“The fact is, of course, we pay shamefully scant attention to our dear cousins Down Under- not entirely without reason, of course. Australia is after all mostly empty and a long way away. Its population, just over 18 million, is small by world standards - China grows by a larger amount each year- and its place in the world economy is  consequently peripheral; as an economic entity, it ranks about level with Illinois. Its sports are of little interest to us and the last television series it made that we watched with avidity was Skippy. From time to time it sends us useful things-opals, merino wool, Errol Flynn, the boomerang - but nothing we can't actually do without. Above all, Australia doesn't misbehave. It is stable and peaceful and good. It doesn't have coups, recklessly overfish, arm disagreeable despots, grow coca in provocative quantities, or throw its weight around in a brash and unseemly manner.”  (since publication Australia's population is now at 23 million)

“The people are immensely likable— cheerful, extrovert, quick-witted, and unfailingly obliging. Their cities are safe and clean and nearly always built on water. They have a society that is prosperous, well ordered, and instinctively egalitarian. The food is excellent. The beer is cold. The sun nearly always shines. There is coffee on every corner. Rupert Murdoch no longer lives there. Life doesn't get much better than this.” 

When I arrived in Brisbane and hopped in my aunt’s car, I felt like I was going home. It felt strangely familiar. Three days spent in Coolangatta reminded me of going to Rehoboth Beach as a kid. It just felt right.

So I’m mourning the loss of my vacation and missing my auntie. I’m also wishing that I didn’t have this daily drudgery of going to work. I wish that I could do something else. In Australia, of course. What that is, I’m not quite sure. Don't get me wrong, I have a great job here. It pays well for the area (it should for some of the crap I put up with) and I have a nice flexible schedule. I even like most of the people that I work with. I also have FANTASTIC health insurance. Vacation time, not so much. But yes, it's a job and I am thrilled to be there.

Then there is the question:  Would my personality type even allow me to have a job that I adored 90% of the time before getting bored? I've probably changed my mind 10 times in my adult life about what I want to be when I "grow up." Just in the past year I've given serious thought to becoming a nurse or a social worker. Even my associate's degree is in general studies. With an emphasis in psych and business, of course. One of these days I need to just pick something and get a 4 year degree. One day. Here or somewhere else.

Maybe I could be a professional expressionist? Is that a  job? I'm great at making faces!

Okay, enough with the rambling. The next paragraph is what I've been trying to get at this whole time.

Since I’ve been home I’ve investigated how I can get to Australia permanently. If I ultimately decide that OZ is where I belong, getting there will be a huge challenge, as getting a visa to live there permanently isn’t easy. There are an awful lot of big decisions to make, but they start with small steps. However, the steps start with big decisions like what I should actually get a degree in. Or if I should take up something like becoming a wool classer or no, wait... a poultry farmer! Seriously. The wool classer is on the state sponsorship page for Western Australia as an occupation in demand. The poultry farmer is on a second list called schedule 2, where they have other occupations that they issue limited numbers of visas for. Hey, I'm kind of a poultry farmer. This hobby of mine might get me to OZ after all.

Fun with Grandma Grande's Furs

All of that said - to feel like I’m taking action I’m getting my open water diver certification. In some weird way, it's a connection to Australia for me. Becoming a scuba instructor (which itself would certainly take a lot of time and cost a lot of $$) is probably not the route that I would go to get to OZ, but getting my open water would be the first step. So on July 10th, I'll be strapping on 60 pounds of gear and jumping into the pool. I'm sure that I'll be thinking more clearly then.

More photos of the trip and less rambling about my life to come soon, I promise. Maybe even this weekend. We have a 202 list (101 wasn't enough) from our journey, which I'm hoping to share. Although there are a few things on that list not for public consumption! :)

Wordless Wednesdays

25 Things in a Year - June update

I'll have a post soon about some of the incredible things that I saw and did on my trip. I pushed my personal limits and was rewarded for doing it. Who knows, maybe my next step is skydiving??

I'll be doing a complete update on my journey soon... probably with a few details left out to protect the guilty. ;)

At the beginning of the year, this was my list. Some of these things were to be done around our trip down under, so I have a quick update on where things stand:

1.             Be more positive
Being on vacation for so long has both helped and hurt this goal. I desperately needed a vacation after not having time off for over a year, but now that I’ve been to Australia, all I can think about is how I can move there permanently.

2.             Lose ~13% of body weight (or eat healthier and exercise at least 3x a week)
I was at 8% before vacation, but I put 5 pounds back on during vacation… mostly due to drinking excessively and eating sweets! Now I’m back to a reasonable diet and exercise plan… although it’s taking me a while to get back to the working out portion. I’m still having some problems with jetlag.

3.             Start a few plants from seed for the garden
Some of my plants reseeded themselves! I shouldn’t have even attempted any garden plans this year, since I was gone when I should have been planting.

4.             Come up with a new budget and stick to it
I’ve done a pretty good job of this. We also stuck to our Australia budget, apart from upgrading our flights at the end of the trip, which put us over budget.

5.             Get rid of the red couch and chair that I freaking HATE
Still not yet. Then again, if there is any chance that we are moving to Australia, I’ll live with the stupid couch.

6.             Purchase new furniture and decorate downstairs
See number 5. If I can make my dream a reality, decorating isn’t very high on my priorities list.

7.             Put together a time capsule for our house
I have it, but it's sitting downstairs on my kitchen counter. Still.

8.             Blog at least twice a week
I may catch up eventually. This shouldn’t count for any time that I’m on vacation, so I get a pass.

9.             Get organized - important documents, books, seasonal items, etc.
I’ll get there.

10.          Be in good enough shape to hike the Tongariro Alpine Crossing (aka Mount Doom) in New Zealand
I definitely could have done it, but unfortunately the weather wasn’t good for that hike while we were there. When (yes, WHEN, not if) we go back, hopefully it will be during summer or early spring so that we don’t have to contend with snow. It IS the “ALPINE” crossing after all.

11.          Raise a small flock of chickens for meat (at least six)
Hmm. We’ll see about this. I think that Mouse might be a candidate for the soup pot soon. He’s terrorizing some of our new chickens and he’s attacked me a few too many times. Last time he even left a mark on my leg.

12.          Sell some eggs, otherwise we'll be overrun when the new chickens start laying
I will definitely need to do this. Guess I should order a big supply of egg cartons.

13.          Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef, even though I'm scared of being eaten by a shark
Completed! Not to mention my fear of deep water, which apparently I am getting over. Actually, I went scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef AND saw a 4~5 foot white tipped reef shark! We also saw carpet sharks (which Jay tried to pet) during our first dive at Cook Island when we were in Coolangatta. Scuba diving was such an unexpected joy for me, and I am planning to get my open water certification in time for #25.

14.          Snuggle a koala
Possibly one of the most amazing things in my entire life. Her name was Tiger Lily and she was the sweetest thing ever.

15.          Install the heat pump downstairs
It is delightfully cool in our entire house, I am happy to report.

16.          Make room in the budget for a cleaning service
Still working on this one. I’m pretty sure we’re going to do it though. When we got back from vacation, we saw what a mess our house ends up being without us there for 3 weeks. Apparently two cats is enough to destroy a house in no time at all.

17.          Get the crawl space insulated
We’ll see how we make out with having the second heat pump.

18.          Have photos done and send Christmas cards out this year
I need to meet up with Laura Dye to get these pictures done. Although we have so many great ones from our trip, I might have to photoshop Santa Hats on our heads.

19.          Fence in yard
We have the rear privacy fence up. Love the look of it and would like to do the entire yard like this… we’ll see though.

20.          Hatch out some silkie and black/red star mixes
We did and they have turned out to be pretty funky looking! Unfortunately I’m pretty sure that two of them are going to be roosters. So we might be eating a few more chicken dinners.

21.          Say no and not feel guilty afterwards
Doing this more often and I would say that I've been quite successful. The more often I do it, the less guilty I feel. Being on this trip made me remember that I have an awesome husband that I want to spend time with, so I’m trying very hard to not book up all of our weekends months in advance so that we can do more on our own as a couple.

22.          Have an awesome time at the Mardi Gras Ball
I did have an awesome time, although I must say that I was quite happy and relieved when it was all over. I was even happy to clean up the next day!

23.          Can tomatoes from our garden
I will can some tomatoes if we actually get some this year! I might cheat and buy an already potted porch type plant.

24.          Print "before" collages to frame and hang in the house
I’ll do it one of these days. Now my big job is to download all of the photos from vacation… there are HEAPS of photos.

25.          Use at least one week of our time share
We’re booking using our friend Leslie’s Shareholder status, which gets us a discounted daily rate and a sweet villa. I’m still waiting to hear back from some of the people that I’ve invited. Now that I’ve had quite the adventurous trip down under, I’m worried that our lounge-around-in-the-sun-eat-and-drink vacation might be a little boring, so I’m planning to do horseback riding, a diving trip and some whitewater rafting while we’re there.

Wordful Wednesday – The Dreaded Plateau

So I’ve been rather depressed about my weight loss lately. Or rather, the lack thereof.

It’s been frustrating. I’ve been tracking food religiously, eating under my daily calories, and exercising pretty much every other day.

Using the Lose It app, I should be losing about 1 lb per week.

 No, I haven’t measured my food. Maybe I should. But still, I think that I’ve been doing a great job.

  

That said, with my recent health scare, I haven’t really been doing Atkins. It’s too high in saturated fat and I was eating a lot of sodium on the diet. However, I haven’t abandoned the Atkins principals. I’ve been watching my carbs and have been staying away from refined sugars and that sort of thing. I’m still trying to eat more salads, veggies and lean meat. Over the past 4 weeks, I have averaged between 30 and 50 net grams of carbs per day (fiber is subtracted from carbs for net carbs).

Why the lack of weight loss? As of last week, I had actually GAINED two pounds back from my low weight at the end of March. I think that since I stopped being as restrictive with my carbs (<20 g per day) that I lost the diuretic effect of Atkins. 

Not having the diuretic effect is fine with me, if it means that I’m really losing fat. Next week I’m expecting to see the scale continue its downward climb. I’m at 11 pounds of weight lost over 9 weeks. That’s still pretty good in my book, so I’ll just keep at it.