Thoughts and Prayers

After every shooting, I see an offer of "Thoughts and Prayers." I cynically posted a "Thoughts and Prayers" meme after the church shooting in November in Texas. I said "If only those people in Texas had prayed harder." One of my friends commented "REALLY!?!?!"  Social media has become an increasingly polarizing place. The anonymity of posting memes and arguing with friends and strangers online has taken out a human element of reasonable discourse. We say things on Facebook that we would rarely say to another person's face, let alone our friends. I have been trying to be better about doing this, and taking these conversations offline and out in public.

Here are some of the comments and suggestions I have seen along with my own "thoughts and prayers."

People need to do a better job raising their kids!

Some children live in one-parent households (for a multitude of reasons) and their parents are doing their best just to put food on the table. We don’t know their situation; maybe they shouldn’t have been parents or didn’t want to be a parent in the first place. Maybe they couldn’t afford birth control, or their partner left them after they got pregnant. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and unfortunately some people only realize it after it’s too late. 

Let’s not forget the half million kids in foster care and their unique challenges. What do we do about those kids that get left behind? It is true that it "takes a village", and we all need to do our part to help out the kids that we see struggling. 

Some of these parents are doing everything they can to raise their kids right. Some children are born with antisocial personality disorder and don’t know the difference between right and wrong. There aren’t enough resources for the parents of these kids, and they also might have a hard time believing that there is something wrong with their child. Deinstitutionalization is another part of the problem, but that is a bag of worms for another day.

Teenagers can be insanely impulsive. As someone who was once a teenager, I can give quite a few personal anecdotes on this topic. According to researchers at the NIH, this is because teenage brains are in the process of maturing – their prefrontal cortexes are still maturing. The rational part of a teen's brain isn't fully developed and won't be until about age 25. As adults, we reason better, develop more control over impulses and make better judgments. This also makes me wonder why we are sending people to war without fully developed brains.

So while everyone is screaming mental illness, let’s be honest with ourselves – teenagers are impulsive and do stupid things. It's because they have developing brains.

If you see something say something! 

People do. Unfortunately, these systems fail as they did in Florida. Reports are now emerging that the latest shooter was reported to authorities multiple times. Also, not every incident is meticulously planned – some are impulsive teenage immature brain problems. There was also the 12 year old girl who brought a gun to school in her backpack. The backpack fell on the ground and discharged the gun, wounding 2 kids. That also puts to bed the "guns are inanimate objects" argument as well. They can misfire and accidents can happen. 

Video games and violent TV/movies/glorification of violence are the problem!
Study results have been inconsistent at best and have produced conflicting results at worst. Canada and Europe have many similar shows/movies/music, yet they don't have these problems. That said, those countries have some major differences: socialized medicine and strict gun laws. 

Mental Illness is the problem!

According to NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Health), approximately 1 in 5 adults in the US (43.8 million) experience mental illness in any given year. Certainly many of the mass shooters were suffering from mental health issues, but to say that anyone who has a mental illness will commit a violent crime is simply false. It creates even more stigma for those who suffer from these invisible illnesses. 

Our schools need more security!

There was an armed guard at Parkland High School. It is now reported that he froze in the situation and never went inside to confront the gunman. If this was a trained deputy, why should we expect better from armed teachers? Teachers are barely paid enough as it is for the work that they do. Most of them went into the profession to teach children, not defend them from armed maniacs. Assuming that the teachers would want to be armed, we would also have several officers carrying guns to protect each school entrance, of course we would also install metal detectors. 
Are we sending our kids to school or sending them to prison?

We already have gun laws / gun laws don’t work in Chicago/Baltimore/other place

While it is true that there are plenty of gun laws on the books, the inconsistency between state laws create a lot of problems. Due to lax gun laws in neighboring states, all it takes is an hour or less drive into a neighboring state to have someone make a straw purchase or even a legal purchase. 

On to facts.

Part of the reason that gun violence is difficult to study is because of the Dickey Amendment of 1996, which ties the hands of the CDC and prevents them from using Federal funds to “advocate or promote gun control.” The NRA pushed for this amendment at the time, after researchers had produced studies that suggested that having a gun in the house increased the risk of homicide and suicide (spoiler alert: it does). 

Since 1968, more than 1.5 million Americans have died in gun-related incidents, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. By comparison, approximately 1.2 million service members have been killed in every war in U.S. history, according to estimates from the Department of Veterans Affairs and iCasualties.org, a website that maintains an ongoing database of casualties from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. For the record, this number includes suicides. 

There were nearly twice as many suicides involving firearms in 2015 as there were murders involving guns, and the rate has been increasing in recent years. Suicide by firearm accounts for almost half of all suicides in the US, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A 2016 study published in the American Journal of Public Health found there was a strong relationship between higher levels of gun ownership in a state and higher firearm suicide rates for both men and women.

More guns also means that more police officers are killed. Researchers looked at federal data for firearm ownership and homicides of police officers across the US over 15 years. They found that states with more gun ownership had more cops killed in homicides: Every 10 percent increase in firearm ownership correlated with 10 additional officers killed in homicides over the 15-year study period (American Journal of Public Health).

Here’s another data point: Although we hear a lot about AR-15s and “assault weapons” during mass shooting incidents, most murders caused by guns involve handguns (FBI). The nature of semi-automatic weapons like the AR-15 makes it easier for mass shooters to take out a large amount of targets in a short time frame, due to accuracy and lack of recoil. This said, the truth is that these types of weapons statistically cause fewer deaths than handguns.

Proposed Solutions

Store your weapons securely. Guns should be secured unloaded in a biometrically locked gun safe, with a trigger lock engaged. If not in a gun safe, all guns should have a trigger lock device installed at all times. There are now biometric trigger locking devices available. If all gun owners followed these procedures, it would reduce unintentional injuries and deaths. 

Repeal the Dickey Amendment to allow the CDC to study gun violence. It is truly a public health crisis. Let's study it and create solutions that are backed up with scientific data.

Congress should pass legislation requiring universal background checks. That would close federal loopholes on background checks at gun shows and other private sales. Additionally, anyone who would like to own a firearm should pass a skills test showing that they know how to properly use their weapons and that they have the knowledge necessary to be a safe gun owner. This would be similar to the training already required for those obtaining concealed carry permits. As a part of this, a firearm registry could be created so that gun sales can be tracked. The registry should be able to be accessed by mental health professionals, school counselors, police officers, and anyone else who would need the information in their professions to “red flag” someone as going to hurt themselves or others.

Congress could also limit the number of guns that can be purchased by one person in a period of time. They could also raise the age limit of all gun purchases. It would be nice to say 25, as per the earlier immature teenage brain, but at least increase the age to 21. Lawmakers could toughen penalties for straw purchases. Mass shooters often carried more than one weapon; one was found with 24. At least 167 weapons of mass shooters were obtained legally and 49 were obtained illegally. It’s unclear how 76 weapons were acquired.

Institute a gun buyback program. The cost is not too much. With each mass shooting, schools are renovated or torn down and rebuilt, costing tens or hundreds of millions of dollars. How much is a life saved worth? How much do you value your life? Your child’s life? Another loved one? Your neighbor? What about the people in your community?

Although I personally don’t believe that anyone needs semi-automatic weapons, I do recognize that some people really enjoy guns. I believe that certain weapons should require an increased level of scrutiny or “extreme vetting” if you will. The folks that want weapons like the AR-15 should face closer scrutiny than someone who is hunting deer with their bolt action rifle. Perhaps congress needs to specify classes of firearms with screening procedures for each.

I recognize that America is a unique country. I would love to say that America can simply enact the same kind of wildly successful gun regulations that Australia has: 28 day waiting periods, thorough background checks, and a requirement to present a “justifiable reason” to own a gun. Their gun buyback program meant about a million guns went back to the government and were destroyed. 

The problem is that in America we have a gun for every person. However, it is estimated that less than one third of Americans own a gun. So one third of Americans own an estimated 320 million guns. What do you do with that? It’s hard to shut the barn door after the horse has already left the stable. 

Even though the horse has already left the stable, we have to do something and we have to start somewhere. The number of guns in this country has roughly doubled in the past 50 years. Perhaps 50 years from now the changes that we make today will have made a meaningful impact. I hope that my grandchildren never have to fear being gunned down in the classroom or on the street.

I live in a rural area with a big gun culture. I know families here who rely on hunting to provide food. Guns are a way of life here. We need hunters to control our wildlife population. Trust me, you’d wish that Bambi had been killed before she ran in front of your car. 

What it really comes down to is do we value our guns more than we value the lives of children?

I am in awe of the kids from Parkland who have started this movement and discussion. It's sad to say that fear seems to be the only effective motivator for change, but it appears that it is. The NRA pushes fear based motivation all the time: "bad guys" are coming after you. The Democrats are coming for your guns. 

It is both terrible and inspiring that it has taken children to stand up and say that they are tired of being slaughtered in their classrooms for anyone to do more than send "thoughts and prayers." 

My thoughts and prayers: March for Our Lives will be the falling of small stones that will start an avalanche.

Coolangatta, Australia - Part One of our trip

I made a video of our fun in Coolangatta. I still have a lot of photos on my old phone from diving and whatnot, so I think I will be making four or five videos from our trip.

This video is mostly from all of our fun with Aunt Nancy and Uncle Darryl, in Coolangatta -- then at the end is from our last night having dinner at their house in Surfers Paradise.

Hope you enjoy!

P.S. I also made an update to my Traveling with Tots post with new travel suggestions!

Mark's Third Birthday Party

I just discovered that the iMovie app on my phone works pretty well for making little videos!

So since I am not the greatest at blogging right now, I am going to post a few videos of trips and other activities to make up for not writing. :)

Here is Mark's Third Birthday Party - Train themed, of course.

Australia

I've been back for over a month, so I really need to post about my experience. Traveling with Mark wasn't nearly as awful as I thought it would be and the trip went MUCH better than expected.

This weekend I am going to work on a full post and update. As usual, there is a lot going on.

More pictures of our trip here.

Clownfish at Lady Musgrave Island - diving the Outer Wall

DOH! Pizza!

Jay got to hold the koala at Currumbin this time

Mark feeding a joey at Currumbin

More updates this weekend. I have a ton of things that I need to do that will also tie in to my 101 list.

Some places/things I am planning to review for TripAdvisor: Kirra Dive, Bundaberg Cane Railway/Botanical Gardens, Bargara Beach, Beach at Your Feet, Lady Musgrave Experience, Ocean Plaza Resort, Paradise Island Resort (probably my first bad review of anywhere I've stayed).

Weekend goal: update this blog and my 101 list blog, write 3 reviews from Australia.

A Change

My first blog post here was on April 10, 2012. In line with what was currently happening with our Home Improvements and all of the insanity that living in a construction zone entailed, I called it “Home Adventures and Unfortunate Incidents.” At the time, that was pretty much what was going on in our lives. Drama with the renovations, navigating being a quasi-newlywed – all of those things.

I’ve almost always had an online presence.

Starting in the early 90s I had a 14.4k dial up modem with a 386mhz processor DOS-based computer and all there was to log on to was a local BB. After that came IRC. Then AIM. I even created a website for a boyfriend's band back in the mid-90s. It was all HTML and I put a lot of work into it. Back in those days, people were pretty paranoid about the internet (hell, I guess many still are). The other band members freaked out and I had to take it down. I started my first website/blog on the Tripod platform in 2003. It’s actually still there (and no, I'm not giving you the address.)

However, I will give you a picture.

I miss that hair and that youth. Oh girl, what I could tell you.

Then there was Myspace, then blogging my 101 list in 2007, then Facebook. I feel like Facebook has contributed to the overall dumbing-down of society, the same way that those old chain letters and emails did. No, Bill Gates is not going to send you money, nor is there a Nigerian Prince who will share his fortune with you. Obama isn't Muslim. Vaccines don't cause autism.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Over the years, I would like to think that I have matured. A bit, at least. I spent a few minutes reading my old website and blog at Tripod... I think those entries are representative of how I have matured in the last ten+ years. I would share some, but they are too embarrassing!

This name change better reflects my current outlook on life in general. Plus I have a domain name now, so that's cool, right?

Unexpected Adventures is how I have come to see everything in my life over the past year or so, and also how I am making it work. This is true in all aspects of my life - work, home, and travel.

My Unexpected Adventures:

Work

I made a big jump back into the financial world nearly three years ago after leaving a fairly new position and coworkers that I liked. There have been challenges to overcome, but it was a great opportunity that has paid off for me. I also learned that I was pregnant several days after giving my notice at my old job. I don’t post much about it. I put in plenty of hours there and I don’t want to think about it when I’m not working! The only anecdote that I’ll share is that every day at work is a spelling bee.

Home & Family Life

I have a kid now, which I still find strange at times. Becoming a mom (especially a working mom) has brought with it all of the usual trials that one might expect. But it has also focused me on what really matters and has made me rethink my time commitments. It is fascinating to watch the development of my child from day to day, week to week, month to month, and now year to year, as he nears his second birthday. It is truly the most unexpected adventure of all, as I get to share the world with him. Honestly, I’ve probably learned more from watching him. Last weekend, he was overjoyed with bubbles.

I wish that I were that enthused about pretty much anything! Having a kid has also changed the dynamics of my marriage. In some ways, it has brought us closer together, but in others I think it has made our relationship more work. I'm probably a little too excited to go to Mexico later this year without little Markface.

Travel

About ten years ago, I didn’t understand why anyone would travel with kids, or want to travel with kids. I thought that they should just be polite to other travelers and not bring children on airplanes. It’s funny how your perspective changes once you find yourself in that situation. I posted that I wanted to not have my child totally consume my life, and traveling is how I'm continuing to live the life that I want. Sure, it's more difficult with a kid in tow. But life doesn't just stop because you have a kid. The first two years have been tough. The first year is exhausting. The second year, they're more mobile and you're just trying to keep them alive. As my girlfriend Sara has said, the kid just lacks any sense of self-preservation. Especially from about 14 - 22ish months. We had our first ER trip a few months back because he took a header down the stairs.

So for partially that reason, we haven't done much traveling this year, or taken him to any place too crazy. He has finally started to listen to us, so I am hopeful that when we go back to Australia next year that it won't be as painful as previous trips. Also, bribery is beginning to work on him, so I see that as a good thing!

All of that said, welcome to my Unexpected Adventures.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. 

Week in Arizona

The pictures just don't do the Grand Canyon justice.

I'm planning to post more about my trip. Maybe. Okay, probably not.

But it was amazing. My SIL Colleen planned an awesome itinerary for us and we had a blast. Also, traveling with a toddler nearly 1.5 is not for the faint of heart. I'm glad that we don't have any other major trips planned with him for the next few months or possibly year, because he is a bit dangerous at the moment. 

Back to Blogging

I swear it's going to happen this time.

I never posted about our five year anniversary reunion in Key West. It was a bit of a bust, although parts of it were fun. The best part for me was the diving, even though the visibility wasn't great. We saw two dolphins and two rather large reef sharks at Looe Key. I'm looking forward to getting back in the water this year. We'll probably check out Lake Phoenix this summer to brush up on our skills. I would love to do a trip out with our dive shop to the Outer Banks this year, but we'll see how that goes. I don't know if I'll be comfortable enough to go to the depths that most wreck diving involve. Not to mention my dive buddy's excessive air consumption! But maybe a few weekends of diving at Lake Phoenix will cure some of our problems.

Here are the last few months in photos...

Markface eating rocks at the Waterfowl Festival

Our annual post-Thanksgiving walk to the persimmon tree (aka the permission tree)

Markface showing off his latest moves

We had a sweet van for our group from Miami to Key West

Ryan and Jay pushing Markface's stroller... this trip we stayed pretty far north, in the quiet White Street district. I liked being a bit of a haul from Duval Street, it made for some impressive Fitbit stats!

Markface being adorable at the Conch Republic Seafood Company

Markface trying to feed me something

Shark wrangler

This will forever be known as the Tomato Soup incident. It was one of the low-lights of our trip.

Markface passed out on Duval after the boat parade

Jay and Brian attempting to wash off a sandy Mark at Bahia Honda State Park

The flight home was much better than our flight down

Setting up our tree. Mark was trying to put a cracker into the tree

Feeding the chickens... Mark calls them cluck-clucks

One of his newest tricks - getting on top of the table

Jay took Mark on an impromptu trip to New York to see friends and family... this is in Long Beach

And we got a bit of snow a few weeks back. Mark was a big fan and probably would have stayed out all day if he hadn't gotten cold.

We are off to Phoenix tomorrow to visit Colleen (yay) and for some R&R. 

Plans:

Survive a 7 hour flight with an active toddler.

Visit the Grand Canyon.

Attend the Ren Faire.

Attend some Beer Week festivities.

Eat at Sassy's Cafe and visit Melody from Holiday Baking Championship.

Since I followed Steve so closely during the Holiday Baking Championship, I feel like I personally know everyone that was on the show. I figured that while we're in AZ, we definitely needed to check out Melody's place. The funny thing is that Steve and Rob will actually be arriving in Phoenix the same weekend that we are leaving. Sounds like there may be a bit of a HBC reunion going on out there. I'm sorry to miss the fun!

Wordless Wednesday

Markface's First Birthday

I've been wanting to post these photos for weeks and I am so happy that I finally have a quiet night at home to do it! Jay is working and I put Markface to bed early. Huzzah!

So, we did it. We kept him alive for an entire year.

We've been so busy for the past few months that I was tempted to say screw it and not throw a first birthday party at all. After all, he's not going to remember it. The first birthday party is always about the parents and the pat on the back we give ourselves for surviving.

Not gonna lie, that first year was brutal. I'm sure that each year will bring its own challenges, but this one was rough. 

There were many reasons not to throw the party on the date we decided to - it was Labor Day Weekend, we'd given everyone less than a week's notice, it was the day after we were attending a wedding, and Jay had to work the next day... among other things. The following weekend, we had TWO weddings to attend. We didn't have the "perfect" weekend to throw his party until nearly a month after his actual birthday.

So we said screw it, let's do it on his birthday - September 6th. 

On Monday, I sent my new friend Steve a message... was there any way he could do Markface's birthday cake for that weekend?

As luck would have it, he could. He asked me what I wanted to do... I said it could be simple and just have his name in the STAR WARS style font, or that he was welcome to be "creative" if he wanted. 

He's amazing, so obviously he went the creative route. 

"I was thinking Death Star," he said. 

The detail was just incredible.

"Oh, and you should do a smash cake, too."

These cakes were absolute masterpieces. And even better, they tasted awesome! I couldn't believe we had to actually eat them. 

The other really cool thing that we found out a few weeks ago is that Chef Steve is going to be on the Food Network's Holiday Baking Championship. It airs November 1st at 9 p.m. - make sure you tune in!

And my kid had to destroy his smash cake? Little did I know at the time that it was prepared by our own local celebrity.

He was actually pretty meticulous about the way he destroyed his cake. It was anticlimactic to be totally honest. First he ate the piping piece by tiny piece.

Then Dada ripped open the fondant so that he could get to the delicious inside... chocolate and vanilla.

He didn't have enough on his face, so Makayla (Aunt Brenda's granddaughter) smeared some icing on his nose. I was actually kind of happy at the lack of mess. I think it's pretty gross that parents purposely cover their kid's face in icing. It's sticky and just gross. Yuck. Not to mention that it's wasteful! Especially with a cake as great as that.

A day or two before the party, I realized that we were going to have a lot more people than our "low-key" planned event. I was expecting no more than 25 people. Maybe 30 people at most. We had over 50 show up! When I realized that the guest list was getting out of hand, I asked Steve to make some vanilla cupcakes. "Really, Lauren? You have a Death Star birthday cake, and you're asking for plain old vanilla cupcakes? "Okay! If that's what you want..."

He of course had to decorate our plain old vanilla cupcakes too. Which were amazing. I'm glad I got one before they were all eaten.

Here are more pictures from the party...

Twinsies!

We do what we can to get him to look up. He's always looking down - except of course when he's running or walking. Then he faceplants. A lot.

He looks thrilled.

With his Godfather Sean

Silly boy

Markface is all sugared up and on the loose... oh hey look, his tux has tails!

One last thing to mention about the party - due to the last-minute nature of it and pretty much not giving a shit, the food was terrible. We bought crappy pre-made burgers and hot dogs at the store, and I attempted to make baked beans for the first time. I used dry beans. They were awful. Thank God for the desserts (apart from Steve's cakes & cupcakes, we also had his Cannolios, which are amaaaaazing). Sara also brought cole slaw, and Jay's macaroni salad is always delicious... but the main food was pretty bad. We've fallen a long way from our grilled tenderloin with fresh horseradish sauce, raw oysters, mini quiches, fresh bruschetta on homemade baguettes and local cheese! And definitely no ice cream on fresh-baked cookies. I didn't even make pulled pork. Ugh. It was pretty embarrassing. Next time we'll do better... although maybe our poor performance will dissuade some guests from attending our next party. Ha!

I'm going to do my best to get back into blogging. Now that I'm getting more sleep, I hope to be back into it. I have so much to catch up on and we're also heading back to Key West for our five year anniversary in December. It's gone so fast! 

More to come soon, I hope!