If you don’t have anything nice to say…

Don’t say anything at all.

That’s pretty much why I haven’t been posting lately. My goal to remain positive this year has been a challenge to say the least.

But I’ll at least start with the positives –

I’m on the launch committee for the Women’s Club of CarolineCounty. It has been a HUGE success! People are really excited about it and I’m happy to be a part of such a fabulous group of ladies. 

I am also on the committee for the Mardi Gras Masqued Ball. Last year I helped out with the event, but nowhere near the extent that I have this year. We’ve made a lot of changes to the event this year and if it’s continued, I’m thinking that we will probably make more changes next year. It has been a lot more work than I was anticipating. Hence the changes for next year!

I’ve been inspired by Kelly at Miss MP Blogs in her weight loss journey. I’m going on a diet next week. I had been good with exercising and tracking food, but between my stupid toe (more on that later), stress, having crap in the house and everything else... well, it hasn’t been good for my waistline. So I’ll use Lent as my excuse to diet. I haven’t decided if I’m doing South Beach or Atkins, but my plan is to go low/no carb for at least a month. This means no drinking, which will be a challenge for me. I love wine. We are also having a chocolate and wine tasting at the end of the month for Women’s Club. I haven’t decided if I’m going to cheat, but it is tempting.  

Things are moving along with our trip to Australia and New Zealand. I’ve been looking into all of the fun things I want to do in Australia. I can't wait to visit my Aunt Nancy first and foremost! Then cuddle a koala , visit the Whitsunday Islands, and snorkel the Great Barrier reef. Of course I would really love to dive with a huge crocodile, but getting to Darwin will require too much travel for our limited time.  In New Zealand, we're planning to visit Hobbiton , visit the Waitomo Caves, and simply walk into Mordor. We haven’t booked our flights yet, but are planning to do so soon.

Now on to the not so positive:

My stupid ingrown toenail. It keeps getting infected and has been the bane of my existence since mid-November. I’ve been on four different antibiotics (two simultaneously for the past week) and a revision where they went back in and dug out the crud. I haven’t been able to wear decent shoes in forever! The double antibiotics seem to finally be working. It appears to finally be healing!

My mother. Her issues are making me crazy. Suffice it to say that we do not have a normal relationship, but more like I am the parent and she is the child. She is looking for someone to rescue her and I am done with being her emotional and financial life raft.

My in-laws. They also have issues. They were staying with us because they were kicked out of their house (for good reason). We had to boot them out of ours last weekend because of something they were warned not to do. Certain behavior will not be tolerated nor enabled in our house. They slunk down to Florida (after we paid for them to get down there), where my father-in-law lied to his brother and said that they had to leave because of “difficulties with Lauren.” Um, yeah. You now DO have “difficulties” with me, jerk. They stayed with us for eleven days after saying they would only be here for a “day or two.” We bought them food and sheltered them and they repaid us with lies and deceit. Not making that mistake ever again.

Work. It has been busy and frustrating lately. One of my coworkers stirred up unnecessary drama which caused me to have a complete meltdown a few weeks ago. Our locums providers (essentially temp doctors) that are supposed to be helping us out are instead causing huge headaches with the schedule. And as usual, many people take out their frustrations on me.

Death. I'm sad to report that a wonderful person is gone from this world. Karisa died  a little over a month ago and left a big hole in our community. We thought that we would have more time with her. Spread the word about Karisafication. In honor of Karisa and Stacey, and for many others whose lives have been impacted by cancer, I am participating in a cancer prevention study.

And taxes. It turns out that DC didn't withhold enough taxes from Jay’s paycheck. If my calculations are correct, we are going to owe taxes. Possibly a substantial amount of taxes, which might mean a tax penalty in addition to what we owe. Jay is always telling me how much $$ all of his buddies at work get in tax refunds. I would LOVE to see their returns to crunch the real numbers. In all likelihood, they’re either claiming 0 on their W-4 or they’re tax cheats. Jay is always telling me about something new that we can write off. I really don’t see how we have enough tax deductible expenses to amount to the $11,900 standard deduction (for married filing jointly). Yes, we can write off our dry cleaning expenses for your uniforms… that’s what - $200 maximum a year? If that? Phone usage – even if you can prove it legally, that’s about $1644 a year. Honestly I do use my phone more for work and charitable reasons than pretty much anything else lately. And yes, we do make charitable contributions, but not anything too crazy. And I could technically write off my trip to NYC for my VGIF board meeting in October. However, back to the firefighter write-offs. The big problem for most tax professionals is the meal fund. Some firefighters will use the per diem meal rate as a deduction. In DC the amount is $71 a day and would amount to almost $6,500 a year. To me, it screams “PLEASE AUDIT ME!!”  Legally, you may be able to deduct some meal expenses, but not the $6,500 variety. If we had receipts for those meals, I would be more inclined to do it. But in reality, the amount ends up being $1,000 a year. Not worth the audit, IMO.

My girls. We are down two chickens and I have no idea what happened to them. One (Maeve) went missing a few weeks ago and the other (Lily) went missing this week. We’ve cased the neighborhood with no luck. So now we have seven hens and that jerk of a rooster, Mouse.

I also really suck at writing thank you notes. My cousin Emily  sent me a crafty and thoughtful Christmas gift and I have yet to send her a thank you card. And my girlfriend Angela gifted us the coolest freaking chicken print that I can’t wait to hang up. Once it’s in place I need to take a photo. And send a thank you card.

So there's your lengthy catch-up. Here's to hoping the next update is far more positive!!

Farewell Blackberry and weekend activities

I've had my Blackberry for close to three years. I've used and abused it and it is now held together by tape.

Lately I've had to reset it multiple times a day. I get no reception at work and my calls constantly cut out.

I've been drooling over the iphone 4S that my friends and family own, but I decided I'd wait for the iphone 5 to be released before I pulled the trigger and made the switch. I couldn't warrant paying $200 for a phone, but I decided that $100 was reasonable. The iphone 5 is an impressive piece of technology, but it's not worth the extra $100 to me. I'll just be happy to not have to carry a separate ipod with me to listen to my music and audiobooks. I've left my ipod at work a few times and haven't been able to listen to my music/audiobooks, but I don't foresee that happening with an iphone.

All of that said, yesterday I ordered the 4S. I love having a keyboard, so we'll see how I do with a touchscreen. Here's hoping for an easy adjustment. The cool thing is that the website said that the 4S wouldn't ship out for 3-5 business days, but I got a notification yesterday saying that it shipped. It should be here Monday!

So farewell, Blackberry. This will be our last weekend together. I suppose that I can take you with me tubing tomorrow, since I'll have Siri arriving on Monday. I have to admit that I'm a little bit tempted to drop you in the water and go off the grid for a few days. 

So as I mentioned, tomorrow I'll be Tubing on the Choptank. Then I'll be heading directly (late) to my arts council retreat. After that, I'll be attending the Denton VFC crab feast. Crazy busy weekend... not to mention that the Alpaca Festival is also happening this weekend, which I'm hoping to find some time to check out. 

Next weekend is more of the same, but it should be a little more relaxed. Black Anchor is doing their annual March of Dimes fundraiser, so I'll be getting the (Carl Sagan) quote around my tattoo - "We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever." Then we'll be attending Harry's goes to the dogs - a wine tasting for the Humane Society.

I have more to post about the house... we are on the home stretch. We rented another dumpster and are finishing the clean-out of my dad's workroom. We should be getting drywall up in there soon. The kitchen is pretty much done, Jay surprised me by putting up slate around the chimney. Our friend Jared had slate leftover from one of his jobs, so he came over last weekend and they worked on that, as well as beginning the workroom clean-out. 

Vita brevis - tempus fugit

Funny fact about my dad's obituary picture:  He took his own photo. It was his headshot that he used for his performing gigs. He put up a black trash bag over the downstairs mirror and used the timer on the camera.

Mark Grande
Executive Director
Caroline County Council of the Arts

Mark died Friday, August 5, 2005 at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. He was 58.

Born in Minneapolis, Minn., Mark was the son of the late Stanley Joseph Grande and Dorothy Ann Kaster Grande. He graduated from Our Lady of Good Counsel High School in Silver Spring and the University of Maryland.

Mark was a self-employed businessman. He owned a bike shop in Glen Burnie for ten years. He moved to the Denton area in February 1980. He had a camera and optical equipment repair business and played music at many venues in Caroline County and surrounding areas in addition to being executive director of the Caroline County Council of the Arts. He was actively involved with the Caroline County Historical Society, and also was involved in a myriad of other organizations.

Mark is survived by his daughter, Lauren Y. Grande of Pasadena; three sisters, Mary A. Grande of Sykesville, Nancy M. Grand of Surfer's Paradise, Australia, and DeDe Ryan of Boise, Idaho; and one niece, Emily C. Ryan of Boise, Idaho.

A memorial service will be held at 11 a.m., Saturday, August 13, at the Moore Funeral Home P.A., 12 South Second Street, Denton, where friends may call one hour before the service.

In lieu of flowers, the family suggests memorial donations be sent to Caroline County Council of the Arts, P.O. Box 292, Denton, MD, 21629. The council plans to develop a Mark Grande Memorial Scholarship in the Arts.

My dad was the first person who told me what "Tempus fugit" meant.

We were in Rehoboth Beach nearly 20 years ago. I was cool back then, wearing my Doc Martens and dyed black no. 1 hair. It was surely during my goth phase; I remember looking for vampire fangs. Back then, vampires didn't glitter and I thought that I had life figured out.

There was a little alley that we walked through off the boardwalk.  The front of the store promised funky things that would appeal to a teenage girl like me. The shop's name was "Tempus fugit." "What a weird name," I said to my dad. "Time passes," he said.  "Huh?"  "Time passes," said dad, ever patient even when dealing with my teenage self. "It means 'Time passes' in Latin."  "Oh," I said, "Whatever."

I have thought about that seemingly insignificant exchange for the past 7 years, especially on this date. Today marks the 7th year of my dad's passing. I suppose that it gets a little bit easier every year, but I still find myself incredibly emotional in the week or so leading up to the date. I am pretty much ready to cry at the drop of a hat. This morning as I waited in line at Dunkin Donuts, I had a hard time keeping it together. Here I am standing in line, sweat-soaked and stinky, sunburned and covered in dirt, with tears running down my face while I updated my Facebook status. I should have known better than to update my status in public:

Lauren Grande Lerch

7 hours ago via BlackBerry Smartphones App

Just finished helping with tent set up for the FACES grand opening. Can't think of a better way to honor my dad's memory than to spend my day with the CCCA. Hard to believe it's been 7 years today.

Seven  years. In that time, there have been so many changes in my life. So many things that he missed. So many times that I wish I could ask his advice or talk to him about something. I wish that I could've made him dinner and shown him that despite being raised on popcorn and sardines that I ended up a pretty good cook. 

So as my status says, I spent the morning helping to set up tents for the grand opening of the FACES building - that's the Fiber Arts Center of the Eastern Shore. It was hot and filthy work, but I thought that devoting part of my day to the arts council was a good way to be a little closer to dad today. 

After I got home, I played with power tools and put a lip on the front of the chicken's nesting boxes so that they would stop throwing their shavings out on the floor. Afterwards, I sealed the grout in the kitchen, and sang while I worked. I've found singing to be incredibly cathartic and try to do it whenever I'm alone in the house. I know that Jay wouldn't mind, but I feel a little silly belting out showtunes when he's home.

I also had a dinner in dad's honor, while listening to a book on tape (er, mp3 - I know that he would approve)... sardines on saltine crackers, puffin corn (which is a cross between popcorn and cheese puffs - I would've done straight popcorn, but I have no kitchen/stove/microwave working at the moment), and some sugar wafers for dessert. Washed down with a cheap and tasty glass of Two Oceans Sauvignon Blanc. It has a screw top, so you know it's good. Or as my Aunt Nancy calls it - traveling wine! It's good to take on the train when you're going through Europe. :) 

From what I've heard, they're calling for some strong storms this evening. I'm hoping to watch the storms like I used to do with dad.

One thing that I've been doing with my dad's cremains (those are his "ashes" so to speak) is to take a small container with me when I travel. This really all started when I met Nancy in Paris about 6 years ago. She wanted some of my dad's ashes to take back with her to Australia. We took lots of photos of us with dad while we were traveling... in Parisian brasseries and on the high speed TGV. He was always with us.

It's all a bit funny, because my dad hated to travel. However, he was a fan of black humor, so I know that he would get a kick out of his remains making their way around the world. He's been on 3 continents and who knows how many countries he's visited.

Here is a list of places where I've scattered his ashes so far:

Key West, FL - Higgs Beach (before our wedding ceremony)

Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic - Cofresi Beach

Niagara Falls - Rainbow Bridge (between U.S. and Canada)

Bahamas - Paradise Island

I feel like there are a few places that I've missed. We've taken him on some trips and never actually scattered the cremains.

Before our wedding ceremony in Key West

In the shade of palm trees in the Bahamas

Of course my dad hated the beach, but he liked to spend time with me.  He'd grab a chair and park himself in a shady spot. I know he is always near me...he's reading a book in the shade. That's why I can't see him.

Cheers to you, dad. Time may pass, but your memory never diminishes.